Author: norbert b. snortwhistle
Pelosi Debunks “Free Healthcare for Pets” by Affirming It
Botox Village, CA (GlossyNews) — On the campaign trail with Norbert B. Snortwhistle. Speaking to a group of her firmest supporters, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi vowed Democrats will introduce sweeping legislation guaranteeing free health care for all pets. While this…
McMahon Wants to Wrestle for Senate Seat
Half Nelson Bay, CT (GlossyNews) — On the campaign trail with Norbert B. Snortwhistle. Republican Linda McMahon challenged Democrat Richard Blumenthal to wrestle her for the Connecticut Senate seat rather than wait for the outcome of the November election. McMahon,…
Palin Declares War on China
Bouffant Falls, AR (GlossyNews) — On the campaign trail with norbert b. snortwhistle. (Glossy News) – Presumed 2012 GOP presidential primary entrant Sarah Palin declared war on China today, though she admitted she wasn’t certain “it can be allowed” from…
Boehner Promises Nothing From GOP
Orange, OH (GlossyNews) — On the campaign trail with norbert b. snortwhistle. House leader John Boehner vowed that if the GOP captures control of Congress this November, it will do “absolutely nothing for as long as necessary.” Speaking to an…
Insurance Companies Market ‘Do-It-Yourself’ Medical Options
WASHINGTON, DC (GlossyNews) — In a move sure to restart the nation’s divisive healthcare debate, major insurance companies announced new healthcare plans featuring controversial “self-serve” medical options designed to reduce costs. “Our new self-serve options for childbirth, surgery and annual…
Coast Guard Fights Huge Leak in SeaWorld Whale
ORLANDO, Florida (GlossyNews) — Wearied by weeks of fighting the horrendous Gulf oil spill, the U.S. Coast Guard mobilized today to battle a large leak from a giant whale in a SeaWorld theme park. “This is massive,” said Coast Guard…
Tax Refunds Revealed as Giant Ponzi Scheme
Washington, DC (GlossyNews) — Investigators have uncovered a multi-trillion dollar financial fraud so massive and widespread it has victimized nearly every household in America for decades. According to investigators the so-called “Tax Refund Pyramid” employs many of the same techniques…
Obama Appoints TV Show ‘Doctor’ as Vice President
Washington, DC (GlossyNews) — In a bold bid to rally voter support for healthcare reform and boost Democrats’ election prospects, President Obama announced today the resignation of Vice President Joe Biden and appointment of television actor Patrick Dempsey to replace…
Recall Vehicles Fun to Drive, Say Toyota Ads
Toyota USA – Irvine, CA (GlossyNews) — In response to ever-expanding recalls, carmaker Toyota will revamp its marketing and advertising programs to emphasize the “fun and excitement” of sudden acceleration, SUV rollovers and other unique attributes its vehicles have become…
Passengers To Clean Airline Cabins, Toilets
Chicago, IL (GlossyNews) — Complex merger talks now underway between United Airlines, Continental Airlines and US Airways include a landmark cost-cutting measure that will require passengers to clean the aircraft cabin and lavatories before leaving the plane. “These discussions are…