Pelosi Debunks “Free Healthcare for Pets” by Affirming It

Botox Village, CA (GlossyNews) — On the campaign trail with Norbert B. Snortwhistle. Speaking to a group of her firmest supporters, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi vowed Democrats will introduce sweeping legislation guaranteeing free health care for all pets. While this was once viewed as a “wedge myth,” it seems the soon-to-be-ousted Speaker of the House has no qualms about settling the score once and for all.

“Dogs, cats, turtles, lizards, parakeets and goldfish deserve the same health care benefits as the Wall Street billionaires who brought us to the brink of disaster,” Pelosi said. “This will mark an important step in the long fight for pet health care.”

Republicans vowed to fight any effort to expand health care legislation, while the White House calculated potential political fallout.

“The American people want less health care, not more,” said House Republican leader John Boehner. “There is no reason to turn this country into Canada for dogs and cats.”

“The President loves his dog and believes in bipartisan government with checks and balances,” said Press Secretary Robert Gibbs. “He is standing by to listen.”

In a replay of past legislative wrangling, some Senate Democrats lined up against Pelosi, apparently maneuvering for special deals in exchange for their support.

“Unless there’s something in the House bill about farm animals, it’s a non-starter in Nebraska,” said Senator Ben Nelson.

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