Palin Declares War on China

Bouffant Falls, AR (GlossyNews) — On the campaign trail with norbert b. snortwhistle. (Glossy News) – Presumed 2012 GOP presidential primary entrant Sarah Palin declared war on China today, though she admitted she wasn’t certain “it can be allowed” from an undeclared political candidate.

“I can see Russia from my front window,” Palin shouted to a cheering Tea Party crowd, many of them wearing surplus army helmets and waving chopsticks. “I sure don’t want China up my chimney, and neither do the American people!”

White House advisor David Axelrod scoffed at Palin’s remarks.

“The Chinese support our economy by purchasing our bonds,” Axelrod noted, “and they provide half the decent restaurants in most of our major cities.”

The Chinese government seemed unperturbed by the flap. “We would not lend the U.S. any money for such a war,” said Chinese Premier Wen Jiabao, “so there is simply no way it is affordable for them.”

Palin, speaking at a bustling truck stop near a major interstate, also reiterated her positions on key domestic issues, including drilling for whale oil at SeaWorld, deporting anyone without a driver’s license and building a monument to John McCain.

Author: norbert b. snortwhistle

Norbert Bibbington Snortwhistle is not the author’s real name. A freelance writer living in a California beach town, Mr. Snortwhistle writes about business, politics and other strange affairs. You can read his articles on investing and the economy, posted under the name ‘Low Sweat Investing,’ here.