Author: NickFun
Romney Concedes Election to Obama
With the election still months away, GOP Presidential candidate Mitt Romney admitted today that he has no chance of winning and has conceded the election to President Obama. “I completely screwed up”, Romney admitted. “I am out of touch with…
New York City Criminals Finding Ways to Enjoy 32oz & Larger Sodas
New York City underworld figures and other criminals have been devising clever tactics to circumvent the recently enacted New York ‘Soda Law’, according to anonymous sources. The new law expressly prohibits movie theaters, snack bars, fast food joints and other…
Jessica Simpson Reveals Her $4 Million Weight Loss Plan
Former sexpot and singing sensation Jessica Simpson, who ballooned up to 170 pounds during her pregnancy, claims the $4 million offer by Weight Watchers has enabled her to shed her excess pounds. “They offered me millions to get back in…
Romney Admits He Is Secretly Campaigning for Obama
GOP Presidential Candidate Mitt Romney admitted today that he has been secretly campaigning for Obama since the primary elections. “I have made no missteps in my campaign,” Romney stated during a press conference. “I want President Obama to be re-elected…
Hiker Laments He Has Never Found a Dead Body
63-year-old hiker and wilderness expert Jeffrey Somers confided today that he has never found a dead body along the hiking trails nor along the roadways despite keeping a sharp eye open at all times. “I always read about dead bodies…
Mitt Romney Vows to Eliminate “The Poverty”
GOP Presidential candidate Mitt Romney announced today that when he is elected he will eliminate poverty by systematically eliminating poor people. “Poor and under-insured elderly people put a tremendous strain on our county’s resources”, Romney stated at a campaign event….
16 Year Old Cambridge, MA, Girl Hates Being a Hoar
16-year-old Samantha Hoar (pro: Whore) told her parents today that she hates her name and wants to change it to something with less social stigma. Her wealthy parents refused her request. “The Hoars helped build this country,” said her father…
Obesity Epidemic Caused by Lack of Nicotine, According to “Doctor”
Center for Disease Control (CDC) Assistant Director, Doctor Richard Fulcrum, announced today that the major cause of obesity in the United States is that scores of Americans are quitting smoking and depriving their bodies of nicotine. “We notice that from…
In Desperate Bid For Reelection, White House Reveals Secret Beer Recipe
President Obama, in a desperate bid to gain the following of on-the-fence Independent and Republican beer drinkers, has revealed the secret recipe for White House Honey Brown Ale. Throughout the past three years the White House has been manufacturing the…
“Gabby Douglas Nude” Photos Fail to Materialize
Ever since her gold medal-winning performance at the Olympic Games, millions of people throughout the world have been searching Google and other search engines for nude pictures of 16-year-old Gabby Douglas to no avail. “There’s a lot of perverts out…