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Romney Admits He Is Secretly Campaigning for Obama

Romney Admits He Is Secretly Campaigning for Obama

GOP Presidential Candidate Mitt Romney admitted today that he has been secretly campaigning for Obama since the primary elections.

“I have made no missteps in my campaign,” Romney stated during a press conference. “I want President Obama to be re-elected so I have deliberately sabotaged my own campaign.”

RIGHT: Image courtesy of Driftglass. (CLICK TO ENLARGE)

Romney stated that his selection of Paul Ryan as his running mate, Clint Eastwood’s rambling speech before an empty chair, his refusal to release his tax records and his seeming overall ignorance are actually part of a cleverly orchestrated campaign to have Obama continue for four more years.

“Obama deserves a chance and I think he’s on the right road,” Romney confided. “I throw my support behind the president 100% and I implore voters not to vote for me.”

Supports and donors to Romney’s campaign expressed outrage. “My firm has donated over half a million dollars to that scum,” said Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankenfein. “He better damn well get elected or there will be hell to pay!”

Many other donors echoed Blankenfein’s sentiments. “What a dirty bastard!” said casino owner Clive Barsdale. “He promised me more casinos if I gave him some money and now he turns his back on me!”

Some people said they would still vote for Romney despite his recent declaration. “I dunno. I think he’ll do a pretty good job still,” said Martha Hemins, a North Dakota seamstress.

“I’m votin’ for Romney ’cause I don’t want no [African-American] tellin’ me what to do!” said white supremacist August Kreis III.

It is not known how Romney’s recent statements will affect the outcome of the election.

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- who has written 58 posts on GlossyNews.com.

Is it REALLY all that important that you know my biography? Do you want to know the litany of women I have slept with? Do you need to know where I work or what I do for a living? Is there something about my life you can't bear not knowing? PERV!!!

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9 Responses to “Romney Admits He Is Secretly Campaigning for Obama”

  1. Brian K. White says:

    With the way he’s running his campaign (into the ground) I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that this is what’s really happening.

    His attack ads are weak, and he spends more time fund-raising than campaigning… you got the cash, bro, now spend it wisely… but he doesn’t.

    His campaign strategists are all still second-squad, even though he has more than enough cash on hand to hire the best… but he won’t.

    And what’s more, where were the right-wing superstars at the convention. No Bush 1, no Bush 2, not even a token appearance from Cheney or his ilk. It’s almost like they have a history they’re trying to hide from… or something… I’m no strategist, but I can smell a turd when it’s laid.

  2. NickFun says:

    I just thought no one has done a better job at reelecting Obama than Romney! I couldn’t imagine anyone, aside from the two people outlined here, voting for him!

  3. dbright says:

    This is about the third “article” I’ve seen on this “top stories” app that I downloaded on my phone that is either phony, satire, or intended to form public opinion. A waste of time. How about writing an article based on facts (Obama’s record) and inform voters? I forgot: you wantObama re-elected. Anyone who reads this should do a search on Stephanopoulis. And Paul Ryan’s interview. Listen to the whole thing, and then form an opinion.

  4. Brian K. White says:

    @dbright … You must be awfully deep in the bubble if you don’t think Obama is running on his record. I’m confident you didn’t catch the Democratic Convention, but the transcript is easy to Google.

    Obama has IS RUNNING on his record. Only a fool would think otherwise.
    http://glossynews.com/top-stories/politicos-and-polticians/201208010134/the-economy-has-improved-stupid/

  5. NickFun says:

    Ah! Dbright you may join Hemins and Kries! First and foremost, this story is a joke! It’s meant to stimulate laughter! The fact that Romney is an ignorant fool is secondary!

  6. Grace says:

    This is a bunch of BS, just shows liberals true characters I guess…you can tell its satire, I feel bad for the people who actually believe this!

  7. NickFun says:

    Me too Grace! I feel bad for anyone who believes any of my stories! Of course, most of the ‘believers’ are republicans…

  8. whoswho says:

    Speak of religion and politics guarantee to ruffle feathers…..

  9. NickFun says:

    Hey who! There’s so many ruffled feathers going on it looks like molting season!

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