GOP Presidential Candidate Mitt Romney admitted today that he has been secretly campaigning for Obama since the primary elections.
“I have made no missteps in my campaign,” Romney stated during a press conference. “I want President Obama to be re-elected so I have deliberately sabotaged my own campaign.”
RIGHT: Image courtesy of Driftglass. (CLICK TO ENLARGE)
Romney stated that his selection of Paul Ryan as his running mate, Clint Eastwood’s rambling speech before an empty chair, his refusal to release his tax records and his seeming overall ignorance are actually part of a cleverly orchestrated campaign to have Obama continue for four more years.
“Obama deserves a chance and I think he’s on the right road,” Romney confided. “I throw my support behind the president 100% and I implore voters not to vote for me.”
Supports and donors to Romney’s campaign expressed outrage. “My firm has donated over half a million dollars to that scum,” said Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankenfein. “He better damn well get elected or there will be hell to pay!”
Many other donors echoed Blankenfein’s sentiments. “What a dirty bastard!” said casino owner Clive Barsdale. “He promised me more casinos if I gave him some money and now he turns his back on me!”
Some people said they would still vote for Romney despite his recent declaration. “I dunno. I think he’ll do a pretty good job still,” said Martha Hemins, a North Dakota seamstress.
“I’m votin’ for Romney ’cause I don’t want no [African-American] tellin’ me what to do!” said white supremacist August Kreis III.
It is not known how Romney’s recent statements will affect the outcome of the election.