Jessica Simpson Reveals Her $4 Million Weight Loss Plan

Former sexpot and singing sensation Jessica Simpson, who ballooned up to 170 pounds during her pregnancy, claims the $4 million offer by Weight Watchers has enabled her to shed her excess pounds.

“They offered me millions to get back in shape!” Simpson exulted. “Who could turn down an offer like that?”

Simpson said she doubted her ability to lose weight until Weight Watchers approached her with the offer. “I thought my modeling days were over and I was content to sit around the house stuffing myself”, Simpson stated. “But for $4 million bucks I’d gladly lose weight!”

Several obese people interviewed said they would also lose weight if given the same incentive. 320 pound John Martino said, “Man, I’d slim down to a stick for that kind of dough! Why doesn’t Weight Watchers make offer that to ME?”

250 pound cab driver Alicia Peters said, “no one ever offered me a nickle! Where do I sign up?”

Actress Valerie Bertinelli lost 50 pounds on the same diet plan as Simpson. “But I was only given $3 million and I had to lose 10 pounds more than Jessica!” Bertinelli told Glossy News. “I guess I’m just not as famous as she is”.

Weight Watchers spokesperson Sheila Gross said that people can lose just as much weight by paying Weight Watchers. Just not as easily.

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5 comments on “Jessica Simpson Reveals Her $4 Million Weight Loss Plan

  1. Holy crap, Barb. I can’t believe it, but you’re 100% right on this. This could be the biggest weight loss trend since forever.

    We set up a company that guarantees weight loss at NO COST, or they have to pay us $4 million dollars.

    We’ll have the highest success rate of any weight loss program ever, maybe 90% or so.

    Then the remaining 10% will pay us a solid half-billion bucks… This is genius!

    I actually like this.

  2. If you’re really serious about losing weight, you don’t need someone to pay you $4 million. Just sign a contract obligating you to pay them $4 million if you don’t lose it. Just as effective. If you don’t have $4 million, just offer to work it off.

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