Author: NickFun
Time Traveler Arrested for Killing His Grandfather
Josh Holbecker, a 25 year old time traveler from the year 2072, was arrested this morning after traveling back in time and killing his grandfather, 22-year-old Harvard graduate student Ernest Holbecker. Josh claims that his father, who has not yet…
Drug Makers Reintroduce Measles to America
Spokespersons for GlaxoSmithKline, Merk, Pfizer and other makers of immunization therapies stated today that the pharmaceutical industry is reintroducing the measles virus to America. “The measles virus was eradicated throughout most of the world”, said Pfizer spokesperson Juliette Riposs. “Fewer…
Since Breakup From Orlando Bloom, Many Men Now Fantasizing About Miranda Kerr
After reports surfaced that former Victoria’s Secrets model Miranda Kerr has split from her husband Orlando Bloom, millions of men admit to having fantasies about dating or having sex with her. “Goddamn she’s single now!” exclaimed Nebraska construction worker Gerald…
Bradley Manning To Be Transferred to All-Female Prison
Convicted military whistle-blower Bradley Manning, now known as Chelsea E. Manning, will be reprimanded to the all-female Federal Prison Camp in Alderson, WV to serve out his 35 year prison sentence, according to sentencing officials. “Now that Manning claims he’s…
Dear Nick: The Practical Advice Column
I’ve grown disheartened with standard advice columns such as “Dear Abby” and “Ask Amy”. We are all long overdue for a practical advice column with some real-life answers. Here are a few questions and home-spun practical advice from the advice-master…
Hasbro Introduces PTSD GI Joe
In an effort to introduce children to the realities of war, Hasbro Inc. announced today that it will begin marketing the new PTSD GI Joe. “Up until now we have always presented GI Joe as being fearless, ready to kill…
To Avoid Political Scandal, Devoted Wife Teresa Heinz Kerry Becomes Ill
Just as the media started to descend on Secretary of State John Kerry for vacationing aboard his yacht while Egypt crumbled, his wife had some sort of mysterious seizure taking the spotlight off him. “My wife is so wonderful she…
Edward Snowden Warns: National Security Agency (NSA) Is Watching You Masturbate
Government whistleblower Edward Snowden warned US citizens today that the NSA has confiscated the cameras of all computers and they are surreptitiously watching all Americans masturbate. “Even when you don’t think you’re online or even when your computer is turned…
Feds to Renew Hunt For Jimmy Hoffa
After failing to find his body in a field in Oakland Township, MI, federal authorities announced today that they have found several other locations throughout the United States that may be hiding the body of former Teamsters Boss Jimmy Hoffa….
Student Not Traumatized After Sex With Teacher
15-year-old Josh Hanby claims he was not at all traumatized after having sex with his 27-year-old French Teacher Ms. Elaine Francois and actually seemed to enjoy the experience. “Man, it was fricking great!” Hanby stated. “She’s smokin hot! I’d do…