Time Traveler Arrested for Killing His Grandfather

Time Traveler Arrested for Killing His Grandfather

Josh Holbecker, a 25 year old time traveler from the year 2072, was arrested this morning after traveling back in time and killing his grandfather, 22-year-old Harvard graduate student Ernest Holbecker.

Josh claims that his father, who has not yet been born, will be responsible for global catastrophe in 2071. He claims he was simply saving the world.

“My dad invented a device that would result in the deaths of 12 billion people!” Josh stated. “There’s only 500,000 people left alive and we are all in underground bunkers. But I was supposed to disappear when I killed my grandfather! What the f..k?”

Physicists have long pondered the so-called “grandfather paradox” which supposes that a time traveler were to go back in time to kill his grandfather then the time traveler would cease to exist.

“This is difficult to comprehend”, said physicist Genardy Hoffsteter of Stanford University. “How could this young man kill his grandfather and still be here?”

Geneticists later discovered that Josh’s grandmother had an affair and that his real grandfather is still very much alive. Josh will not be allowed to return to his time and will likely spend life in prison in solitary confinement. Prison guards will be guarding Josh closely so as to not reveal too much about the future.

“Though I might ask him for some investment tips”, said a prison warden who asked not to be named.

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5 Responses to “Time Traveler Arrested for Killing His Grandfather”

  1. Kilroy says:

    Josh should have paid more attention in his temporal studies 101 class.
    Then he would have known he’d only disappear upon returning to his native time-line…which would be impossible since he would no longer exist there. As it stands, he’ll have to spend the rest of his days in this pocket universe he created…or until the pocket universe collapses in on itself, which ever comes first (aka the “Donnie Darko Dilemma”). Thanks a lot, Josh! You’ve killed us all, dude! But, look at the bright side. You outdid Gramps.

  2. NickFun says:

    Kilroy he didn’t kill his real grandfather thus the timeline will remain unchanged. The grandmother will undoubtedly marry someone else and still have the affair and the world will still be destroyed so rest easy!

  3. kilroy says:

    So the world has nothing to worry about for another 58 years thanks to
    a fork in the genetic road? Great! But, I feel sorry for Josh’s wasted trip and frankly, his grandma is a fox.

  4. NickFun says:

    So…Kilroy! You…you’re…damn!

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