Josh Holbecker, a 25 year old time traveler from the year 2072, was arrested this morning after traveling back in time and killing his grandfather, 22-year-old Harvard graduate student Ernest Holbecker.
Josh claims that his father, who has not yet been born, will be responsible for global catastrophe in 2071. He claims he was simply saving the world.
“My dad invented a device that would result in the deaths of 12 billion people!” Josh stated. “There’s only 500,000 people left alive and we are all in underground bunkers. But I was supposed to disappear when I killed my grandfather! What the f..k?”
Physicists have long pondered the so-called “grandfather paradox” which supposes that a time traveler were to go back in time to kill his grandfather then the time traveler would cease to exist.
“This is difficult to comprehend”, said physicist Genardy Hoffsteter of Stanford University. “How could this young man kill his grandfather and still be here?”
Geneticists later discovered that Josh’s grandmother had an affair and that his real grandfather is still very much alive. Josh will not be allowed to return to his time and will likely spend life in prison in solitary confinement. Prison guards will be guarding Josh closely so as to not reveal too much about the future.
“Though I might ask him for some investment tips”, said a prison warden who asked not to be named.