North Korea Develops Slingshot Capable of Reaching North Korea

SEOUL – North Korea’s official news agency today announced the development of a highly advanced slingshot capable of hitting its own territory or fifty feet, whichever comes first.

North Korean leader Kim Jong-un spent time touring the new facility which is said to contain a five-foot-long rubber band that can shoot two large and dangerously pointy rocks with an accuracy of one thousand meters.

South Korea responded to the news by showing their own advanced slingshot known as a battleship capable of launching rocks known as nuclear missiles.

North Korean citizens were overcome with joy upon hearing that North Korea was spending money on weaponry instead of less important items such as food. “I’m so happy that our leaders aren’t wasting their precious resources on little things like humans and are instead focused on trying to launch these amazing rocks. Is this still recording?” said one citizen.

A complication that may hinder future development of the device is that North Korea is running out of rocks and may have to switch to less accurate dirt-balls.

North Korea is rumored to have recently conducted tests of the advanced weapon. The tests resulted in one rock flying an astonishing two feet and the other rock knocking the commanding soldier unconscious. Kim Jong-un celebrated the “successful” tests by throwing bags of food at starving citizens from his Rolls Royce limo.

Satellite imagery shows that recent pressure from Washington and its allies is having little effect on North Korea’s ambitions. Several images show North Korea is also developing a catapult capable of firing starving North Koreans loaded with explosives over the DMZ.

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Author: Mark Garrison

Mark Garrison is both a loving husband, a devoted father, and a steadfast rebel when it comes to the word "both." His work has appeared in Opium Magazine, Monkeybicycle, and many other places with interesting names.

4 thoughts on “North Korea Develops Slingshot Capable of Reaching North Korea

  1. At first I read the title and was strategically worried. Then I read the story and laughed. I’m so ashamed!

  2. That headline made me laugh. That’s a rare feat, sir. You may not count on that again. I’m a tough customer.

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