Republicans Demand NASCAR Observers at Polling Places

GlossyNews.comTALLADEGA – Republicans in The Deep South are demanding that NASCAR officials be sent to all polling places to ensure a fair election.

Talladega Republican Party Chairman Larry “big cheese” Nelson said, “We can’t risk our people not being able to vote. And the only way to make sure things are fair behind those curtains is to send in NASCAR.”

RIGHT: NASCAR fans gathered yesterday to discuss possible election monitoring strategies, and were in no way unreasonable or terrifying.(CLICK PHOTO TO ENLARGE)

He added, “If those [polite term for minorities] can’t observe a car going 200 miles per hour, then we need some God-fearing folks [who] can make sure everybody votes for Romney. I mean, for whoever they want to that’s not Obama.”

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Gary Johnson was reached by telephone, saying, “Hold on, I’m on the other line with Jill Stein,” but he never returned to the line.

More on this story as it develops.

Author: Mark Garrison

Mark Garrison is both a loving husband, a devoted father, and a steadfast rebel when it comes to the word "both." His work has appeared in Opium Magazine, Monkeybicycle, and many other places with interesting names.

2 thoughts on “Republicans Demand NASCAR Observers at Polling Places

  1. Just think of it. If the Occupy protesters were carrying guns they would have all been locked up on day one. As it was they barely carrying toilet paper and they were still locked up on day four!

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