Author: Liberties-Taken
Libraries to Start Charging for Books
Bangor, ME (GlossyNews) — The Association for Library Associations’ director June Cleaver spoke to reporters this week to unveil a new library management scheme. Ms. Cleaver, resplendent in pearls and a powder blue dress, was upbeat on ALA’s new business…
Lawyers Clash in Gay Purity Case
Las Vegas, NV (GlossyGaySports) Legal scholars hint that far reaching precedent may be the outcome of Dan Steele vs. Gay Bowling League America, set for opening arguments next week. At issue is GBLA’s stripping Steele of his 2009 championship, but…
Magician Makes Rape Charges Disappear
Bellevue, WA (GlossyNews) — Mega-famous showman and Illusionist Oliver Twist has done it again. Known for both traditional stage magic and his signature landmark disappearance performances, Twist this week displayed his mastery of the craft by making a Civil Suit…
Order Restored After Outbreak of Hypochondria
New Glarus, WI (GlossyNews) — Normalcy has returned to this Midwestern town, after a tense weekend some won’t forget. According to sources, trouble began when Insurance salesman Howard Sprague left work with a bad cold on Thursday. Flora Baker, owner…
Bi-onic Woman Tells All
In a Glossy News exclusive, 70’s icon Jamie Summers spoke recently about career, relationships, and long held secrets. It was a brief but very moving interview. GN: Jamie, please explain the timing on announcing your bisexuality? JS: Well, I watched…
Huckabee Apologizes to Zombies
Fort Smith, Ark-Kansas (GlossyNews) — Following a storm of controversy, former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee today released a press statement seeking to clarify his recent Zombie remarks, in what was seen by many as electoral politics damage control. “In a…
Huckabee Compares Werewolves to Zombies
Fort Smith, Ark-Kansas (GlossyNews) — Former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee hasn’t announced his plans for 2012, but the FOX News commenter has lately been stressing his cultural values credentials. Speaking this week to UC Berkeley’s College Republican Union, Huckabee hit…
Democrats Reaching Out to Werewolves
Washington DC (GlossyNews) — Speaker Pelosi this week followed triumph with triumph, again displaying her political acumen by securing the coveted Werewolf vote. The move stunned even Pelosi’s harshest critics speechless, shaking their heads in grudging admiration. A visibly euphoric…
TV Psychics Haunted by Ghostless House
Greenville, SC (GlossyNews) — The parapsychology community was confronted this week by an event some termed frightening. Fans of A&E’s popular “Paranormal Squad” were shocked this week when series regulars Kate, Bob and Xi Liang came a cropper in a…
Hollywood Faces Shortage of Lame Ideas
Hollywoodland, CA (GlossyNews) — It has been whispered for months among the tight knit enclaves of Tinsel town. Following a recent spate of high profile suicides however, insiders are now speaking openly on the panic gripping their industry. Hollywood is…