Huckabee Compares Werewolves to Zombies

Fort Smith, Ark-Kansas (GlossyNews) — Former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee hasn’t announced his plans for 2012, but the FOX News commenter has lately been stressing his cultural values credentials. Speaking this week to UC Berkeley’s College Republican Union, Huckabee hit hard on the topic of Werewolves.

He told Kate, Bob and Xi Liang, “You young people are on the front lines in a war against creeping deviancy. There are so many who’ve chosen a lifestyle, and they want you to accept them as normal, and feel sympathy for them. It’s just wrong, these Werewolves. God made each of us a species, and we’re not supposed to go around switching species every time the moon comes out.”

Warming to his topic, Huckabee took a moment to drag out that GOP favorite, the mainstream media. “The media is a willing accomplice, make no mistake about that. They take pains to show Werewolves in a sympathetic light, while ignoring their devastating impact on sheep ranching. We need to send them a message loud and clear, we’re not buying it. Because if it’s all right to be a Werewolf, then it must be all right to be a Zombie too.”

The always loquacious former Governor went on to detail his controversial position. “Now some would say I’m comparing apples and oranges here. After all, a Werewolf is murderous only a couple of nights per month, while a Zombie wanders around 24/7 looking to feast on brains. Those people who would argue that? They fail to understand our nation is standing on the slippery slope of moral relativism.”

That statement elicited thunderous applause from Kate, Bob and Xi Liang.

In concluding remarks, Huckabee said, “A Werewolf is really no different from a Zombie, because it’s not a matter of frequency or severity, it’s a matter of principle. A culture unwilling to draw clear lines is in a state of freefall. First it’s Werewolves and then Zombies, and next probably demon possessed dolls. After that, who knows what next? Wrong is wrong; we have to be brave enough to let that be our message.”

Author: Liberties-Taken

I write gags for Glossy News when an idea pops into my pumpkin sized head. Don't make a big deal out of it, OK? I contribute to my local food pantry and you should too.