Kenya Defence Force Admits “Minor Borrowing” During Mall Siege

NAIROBI, Kenya– After weeks of denying stealing anything from the Westgate Mall following attacks by the al-Shaaabab, the Kenya Defence Forces have finally admitted they stole bottled water from one of the supermarkets. This came on the wake of the latest damning CCTV footage showing soldiers walking away with Nakumatt shopping bags.

“Our soldiers just borrowed a few bottles of water. They were thirsty. We were going to pay for them afterward,” said Major Emmanuel Chirchir, the Kenya Military Spokesman.

RIGHT: Only ‘Crystal’ clear bottled water with the KEBS ‘Diamond’ mark of quality made it into those shopping bags. (Graphics appear courtesy of Michael J. Carlucci.) CLICK IMAGE TO ENLARGE.

Reports of the KDF stealing water from the mall started doing rounds on social media a few days after the four day siege with shop owners in the mall reporting smashed water coolers, dispensers and Styrofoam plastic cups in their shops. The Military initially denied everything with the Army General Julius Karangi saying this was Propaganda by the al-Shabaab to make them look bad.

“Am not saying anyone stole anything. What am saying is that 70% of our pre attack bottled water stock was un accounted for, post attack and that’s a lot of bottled water for a supermarket,” said Thiagarajan Ramamurthy, Director Nakumatt Holdings.

“It must have been the al-Shabaab. We only took a few bottles. They use water before they pray and we have video evidence they prayed a lot in there you know” said General Karangi.

"Our soldiers just borrowed a few bottles of water. They were thirsty. We were going to pay for them afterward," said Major Emmanuel Chirchir, the Kenya Military Spokesman
“Our soldiers just borrowed a few bottles of water. They were thirsty. We were going to pay for them afterward,” said Major Emmanuel Chirchir, the Kenya Military Spokesman

Most Kenyans were shocked by the reports from the beginning considering the Military is held in high esteem as the most disciplined forces on the continent and called for the immediate arrest of the soldiers involved but the military said that would be a bit tricky.

Since the CCTV footage didn’t capture the soldier’s faces directly it would be hard to profile. But he called upon the members of public who have watched the video to come forward with any clues which could identify the rogue soldiers like their height, build and the way they walked.

But some Kenyans sympathetic to the KDF wondered what all the fuss was about. “It’s not like it’s Abu Ghraib or somebody used Sarin. It’s just our own little ‘Watergate’.” said Sam Amungo a Paralegal.

Meanwhile, 15 top immigration officials were fired as a result of the Westgate events including, but not limited to the missing bottled water.

Author: MRJ

Mahmud R. Joel loves to play with stereotypes but frankly is too lazy to work, too nervous to steal and too proud to beg, but we 'does' guarantee news satire in real time-that's how we kill time. And FYI, just like the "S" in Harry S. Truman, the "R" stands for nothing really. Not giving much here. For more check us out at newsync.blogspot.com - the first African news satire and humour blog with a global perspective.

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