Elton John Calls Jesus Gay, Muslims Enraged

LONDON, U.K. (GlossyNews) — Elton John, no stranger to controversy, made news again this week when he called Jesus of Nazareth gay in an interview with Parade Magazine.

The statement angered many practicing Christians around the world. Catholic League President Bill Donohue said John’s claim implies that “the Messiah was a person who preached water and drank wine.” But Donohue also commented that it would be pointless to ask for an apology.

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Muslims disagree.

“We will have to make a goat sacrifice of that cow,” said Sheikh Munlal Birehi of the Jamia Mosque Nairobi after Friday prayers.

“Issa bin Maryam (Jesus son of Mary, peace be upon him) may not be our number one prophet, but he comes in a strong second and is still our prophet,” added Birehi in response to those who have said this issue does not affect the Muslim community.

Buutay Dhaga-deele, 25, a second generation Somali immigrant, told reporters in Aalborg, Denmark, “I wish one of Elton John’s fans, preferably a cartoonist, would print this gay Jesus on a widely circulated publication or something.”

“Hopefully with the hair coiffured to resemble a turban,” he added.

The incident has also caused Islamic scholars in Kenya to investigate the possibility of organizing a peaceful march to protest to the British High Commission in Nairobi.

“First it was Sir Salman Rushdie, now Sir Elton John. I think I see a trend here,” said Kaleem Jugsodaay, a lawyer for the society who questions the rationale behind knighting such people. “How could the Queen, the head of the Anglican church, bestow honour to such low-life scum?”

Meanwhile, Sheikh Birehi is said to be preparing a proposal to declare a fatwa on the singer, which is expected to reach Chief Kadhi Sheikh Kassim before the end of the week.

With Muslims coming out in such strong defense of Christ, many wonder why Christian leaders have remained so passive on the issue. Disgraced mega-church leader Ted Haggard said, “We always have to ask ourselves, ‘What would Jesus do?’ In this case, turn the other cheek. We’re just waiting for our moment, you see, for Elton John to show us his cheek. Once that happens, we’re going to give that old sinner’s cheek a good spanking. Then we’ll turn him over and spank the other cheek. And we’re going to spank him silly all night long. And if we get too tired to keep whacking those cheeks, we’ll breathe in the dust of angels to keep us strong, my brothers and sisters. Oh Lord, send us your angel dust! We’ll keep pounding those cheeks until we beat the devil off into his lake of fire. Amen!” Haggard then requested a towel and a cigarette.

Famed televangelist Pat Robertson added, “Saying that Christians aren’t taking this as seriously as our heathen brothers is like saying that Elton John is straight. Or that Reverend Ted Haggard isn’t. How ridiculous.”

Author: MRJ

Mahmud R. Joel loves to play with stereotypes but frankly is too lazy to work, too nervous to steal and too proud to beg, but we 'does' guarantee news satire in real time-that's how we kill time. And FYI, just like the "S" in Harry S. Truman, the "R" stands for nothing really. Not giving much here. For more check us out at newsync.blogspot.com - the first African news satire and humour blog with a global perspective.

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