New Occasional Series: Glossy News Classics

As one of the very longest running fake news satire outlets of all time, Glossy News has had a lot of classics over the years. From time to time, we will be republishing stories that really stood out.

Clever? Ingenious? Edgy? Buffoonish? Anarchic? Slick, sophisticated, cool? Just good-old-fashioned hilariously convincing?

Or even unconvincing?

By whatever criteria, these are stories that stood out for us, and really shone.

Keep a close eye out for each instalment!

Wallace

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4K Glossy News Podcast 066 (10-24-16)

The 4K/UHD podcast is back again with a whole new slew of stuff.

Here are just some of the topics covered in the the October 24th, 2016 edition.

* NO MORE election updates. I wanted to do more, but it’s so painfully obvious trump will lose, what’s the point?

* Video/Movie review… NOTHING because YouTube lets everyone steal my income from my React and Review videos. To hell with them… though Black Mirror season three is pretty awesome. Read more 4K Glossy News Podcast 066 (10-24-16)

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Dan Geddes Video Selection (1/2)

Dan Geddes is a true stalwart not only of Glossy News, but of humor and satire in general. He has done a lot of stand-up comedy, which you can find on his Youtube channel. I’m sure you’re not gonna die of surprise when I tell you that like every single other humorist in the history of satire, without exception, Dan is rather shy and reserved, and never likes to be the first person in the room to break an uncomfortable silence. Even so, I hope he’ll forgive me for introducing these videos to you!

Taxes and Death (And Taxes)

Taxes and death, and the taxation of the cryogenically preserved, as well as robots.

Read more Dan Geddes Video Selection (1/2)

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Dan Geddes Interviews

Tomorrow and the day after, I will present two articles on the stand-up videos of one our resident satire legends, Dan Geddes! But he is also a public joke-a-lectual too, it seems! Here’s Dan speaking humorously, albeit with all due ethical seriousness, on some big topics in the world today!…

Interview (Brian K. White, Glossy News 4k Podcast)

“One of the funniest guys I know sat down for an interview for the Glossy News 4K podcast.” (Brian)

UN Country Club Show 1

Dan Geddes of http://www.thesatirist.com and Dan Purcell discuss Satire in the Global Village, the NSA, Drones, Artificial Intelligence, Robot Burger Flippers, a Princeton Club dinner, and more.

Greg Shapiro’s The United States of Europe – 23 September 2014

Greg Shapiro and Dan Geddes discuss all things European, and how hard is it to be funny in The Netherlands.

Satire in the Global Village

Part of the “Satire in the Global Village panel” at the Institute of General Semantics: October 3, 2015.
Later this year, Dan will be returning to the Institute of General Semantics in New York to speak once more. Aside from the videos, here is a recent interview with a German media outlet.

***

Attribution: photo of Dan Geddes by Andrew Balcombe.

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Trump is Right – Proof that the Election is Rigged

Donald Trump has alleged the 2016 presidential election has been rigged against him and that the only possible way he can lose will be because of fraud and collusion. As a noted investigative reporter, I felt it was my journalistic duty to check into these shocking allegations and uncover whether his claims could be substantiated. It turns out Donald Trump is correct. The election IS rigged against him. The proof is extensive and conclusive. Read more Trump is Right – Proof that the Election is Rigged

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Theresa May to Rename Conservative Party ‘National-Socialist Party’

After her recent ‘success’ with the notorious Snooper’s Charter, Theresa ‘Jihadi Tess’ May is now planning to conduct yet another Cameroneque image change for her right-wing party, the Conservatives.

One anonymous source close to the eagle’s mouth tells me: Read more Theresa May to Rename Conservative Party ‘National-Socialist Party’

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Muslims Report Stuff

At the second presidential debate, a Muslim member of the Town Hall audience asked Donald Trump what could be done to reduce the intense level of Islamophobia. Trump replied with what many Americans think is an outstanding solution to address these concerns and help Make America Safe Again: “We have to be sure that Muslims come in and report when they see something going on.”

What a brilliant idea. It appears Muslims by the thousands are embracing his advice – by taking to Twitter to report anything they witness in their Muslim community that seems suspicious. There’s even a Twitter hashtag they’ve created: #MuslimsReportStuff (honest!). Below are some tweets typical of what you’ll find there. Read more Muslims Report Stuff

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One Act Tumblr Play: Obama Gets Friendzoned

It’s always fun to write a One Act Tumblr Play; that particular social media site is perfect for this kind of writing! Here’s one of mine:

Obama: Hey, I really like that country, but I’m not gonna do the running. Let her come to me first.

Heh heh… I’m just such a smart guy! I am just one DAMN SMART COOKIE! Well, it’s not up to me to chase her. I’m gonna let her see how much she needs me first.

WAITS

WAITS

WAITS

WAITS

[Tittering and snickering in the background]

Obama: … Oh. Shit. Well. What a prissy, stuck-up bitch! Guess she just doesn’t know what she’s missing.

Read more One Act Tumblr Play: Obama Gets Friendzoned

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Hillary Clinton To Make Direct Appeal To Less-Educated, White, Male Voters

In the final run-up to the US presidential elections, Hillary Clinton is hoping to ensure victory by winning-over the one demographic group that Donald Trump has yet failed to insult or alienate.

That group consists of white American men without a college degree. Much of the threat posed by Donald Trump comes from this group who represented nearly half of all voters in 2012.

A draft transcript of Clinton’s forthcoming speech has been obtained by this site and is reproduced below:

Today, I want to speak to a very important section of our society. I want to address those whose hard work and self-sacrifice made America the great country it is today.

I’m referring, of course, to you uneducated, white guys.

I want you all to put down those cans of beer, burgers and bottles of mayonnaise and listen to me for five minutes before you next go out to buy meth or shoot someone.

The future of America is in your hands, and I believe that you all need to take that responsibility very seriously.

I want you to think for a minute about the demographic – that’s a big word that means the group in society – to which you belong. You are uneducated white males. The clue’s in the name.

It might not be your fault that you’re not so smart. Maybe inbreeding or other factors mean you didn’t start out very bright. It’s the way things have turned out, however, and it would be as crazy to deny that as it would be to deny you are fellow Americans.

I’m not saying you’re not wonderful, hardworking guys. Our great country would collapse tomorrow if it wasn’t for all the unskilled, menial jobs you do. I want you to imagine, however, that you needed brain surgery. Would you ask a buddy to do it or would you try to find an educated doctor? If you were taking a plane, would you want an educated pilot to fly it or would you be happy for Homer Simpson to give it a go?

I’m willing to bet that, after you’d thought as hard as you could about it, at least half of you would want your brain surgeon or pilot to be educated, even if your buddy would do the job for a pack of beers.

I want those of you who would choose an educated brain surgeon or pilot to now ask yourselves why you would make that choice.

Would it be because an educated brain surgeon or pilot would know what they were doing? Maybe you think you’d have a better chance of surviving the operation or the flight.

Voting for a president is like doing brain surgery or flying that plane. There are a lot of complicated things to think about when you’re a president, and working out who could do the job best is really hard.

I’m appealing to all you uneducated white guys not to vote on November 8.

If a loved one needed that brain surgery, you’d owe it to them to get the very best surgeon. Each of you really know, deep in your hearts, that you wouldn’t be clever enough to be certain of picking the right person.

It’s just the same with this great land we all love. You owe it to your kids, your family, this wonderful country and the world, to not even try thinking about picking a president.

I say again to you all: “don’t vote”. Leave big choices to those with better brains.

America needs you to just stay in bed, watch TV and have another beer on November 8.

You know it’s the right thing to do.

You know, deep down, that it’s what God wants you to do.

Thank you.

God bless America.

God bless America.

Read more Hillary Clinton To Make Direct Appeal To Less-Educated, White, Male Voters

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Breaking News: Woman Claims Trump Didn’t Grope Her

A woman from Broken Springs, Michigan has come forward to insist that Donald Trump has not groped her, despite many opportunities to do so. Allison McGregor, a 47-year-old housekeeper who used to work at Trump’s Mar-o Lago hotel/resort in Florida, told Fox News today that the real estate broker used to visit the hotel at least once a week and on exactly zero occasions did he sexually assault her. Read more Breaking News: Woman Claims Trump Didn’t Grope Her

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Conspiracy Theorists are Foolish: the ‘Hume’s Leap’ Fallacy

 

Some years ago, someone spoke with me about 9/11 conspiracy theories, and said that he ‘wouldn’t put it past them,’ or words to that effect.

This sentence from the person who spoke with me years ago, arguably shines a light on the problem with conspiracy theory nonsense, e.g. the myths of 9/11 Truthers, or of Holocaust denialists, or of those who fantasise about so-called ‘Cultural Marxism,’ ‘New World Order,’ ‘Neoliberalism,’ ‘Shapeshifting Lizards,’ ‘the Rockefellers,’ ‘the Zionist Lobby,’ ‘Eurabia,’ and so on. Read more Conspiracy Theorists are Foolish: the ‘Hume’s Leap’ Fallacy

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4K Glossy News Podcast 064 (10-10-16)

The 4K/UHD podcast is back again with so much good stuff.

Here are just some of the topics covered in the the October 10th, 2016 edition.

* The anatomy of “How it’s REALLY Made” videos are REALLY made. There’s so much that goes into these things than you might have ever thought.

* A 4K/UHD review of Westworld on HBO and why you really must check it out… and I swear to god, if this gets taken down for being a review I’ll burn every review I’ve done in the past to the ground, you copyright usury bastards!

Listen to it



Or you can download it by right-clicking and selecting “save as” right here. It’s also available on iTunes.

Watch it on YouTube



Follow me around the web:

iTunes (or search “Glossy News”)
Facebook.com/4KPodcast
Twitter – @4KPodcast
YouTube.com/glossynews
GlossyNews.com/podcast

Segment bumpers and background music by Greg the Hero Facebook.com/gregtheheromusic. Royalty Free Music “Your Call” and “Funkorama” by Kevin MacLeod — Incompetech.com.

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Republicans Praised for Reducing Stigma for Psychopaths

Dateline: WASHINGTON, D.C.–The National Institute of Mental Health congratulated the Republican Party for helping to accustom Americans to those with mental illness, by elevating obvious psychopaths to positions of high office.

Doctor Fernando Lamas, chairman of the Institute, said at a press conference that Republican voters have done the United States “a great service, showing more so-called progressive Americans that those with antisocial disorders–who are typically demonized in popular horror films–can be entrusted with political power as long as we shirk our civic duties and learn to keep lowering our standards for acceptable public behaviour.” Read more Republicans Praised for Reducing Stigma for Psychopaths

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Glossy News Contributor Book Showcase 1: Swan Morrison’s ‘Judgement Day’

For the next three days, we are showcasing three ebooks, from three Glossy News writers! First of all, here is ‘Judgment Day’ by Swan Morrison. Aside from his various humorous ebooks, Swan Morrison runs the site Short Humour. ‘Judgment Day’ is his most successful book up to now, and recently won a Silver Prize for Humor/Comedy Fiction, Dan Poynter’s Global Ebook Awards.

This is a true story. To preserve confidentiality, however, all the characters, facts and circumstances have been changed.

When a meteorite destroyed a house in a sleepy, English village, no one could have predicted the chain of events that would lead Swan Morrison and Helen Hargreaves to romance and would ultimately propel them into an epic battle for the very survival of mankind.

How can one adequately describe a novel that is (in alphabetical order): an adventure filled; archaeological; comic; crime featuring; dramatic; erotic; espionage laced; horror tinged; political; religious; romantic; science fiction; supernatural thriller with philosophical, satirical and allegorical undertones?

This affectionate tribute to many classic storylines is where the writers of the Archers meet the creators of Indiana Jones meet Dan Brown meet John le Carré meet E. L. James meet Stephen King meet Isaac Asimov meet Barbara Cartland meet Harold Robbins meet Colin Dexter meet Ian Fleming meet Woody Allen meet Douglas Adams – to name just a very few.

Incorporating a diversity of themes and genres exceeding the works of Shakespeare, together with an exploration of the relationship between man and God that is comparable to the great religious texts – all skilfully woven into a breathtakingly complex plot – this ground-breaking, multi-genre masterpiece may yet be judged to be one of the finest works of literature ever written.

For more information on the book, including where to buy it, visit Brian’s website: Short Humour.

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“I, for one, am not an anti-Neoliberal”

On the one hand, people who claim neoliberalism exists say that Hayek thought capitalism and free markets could aid democracy, but if not, well too bad!

But on the other hand, people who claim neoliberalism exists say that Hayek was predicting an inevitable slide into servitude (rather than hypothesising about potential risks).

Which one is the true one?

The reason I don’t trust the usual lines of assertion and rhetoric regarding Hayek and Friedman is that people try to have it both ways. They want to associate Hayek and Friedman with the pernicious ‘Washington Consensus’ of crony capitalism, but they also want to be taken seriously as people acquainted with the writings of Hayek and Friedman.

But everyone who has read even a little Hayek and Friedman knows that they were at best deeply sceptical, and at worst pretty critical, of continental-level or global-level crony capitalist institutionalism.

As you can see already, I am not defending this or that element of what they have written; that’s not the point here. I am merely pointing out that any association of scholars sceptical of global-institutional/continental-institutional ‘crony capitalism’ with the very same objects of their scepticism, or even criticism, can only ever stem either from cynicism, a lack of intelligence, or a lack of serious acquaintance with their writings.

And this is really not a grey area at all. Have you read the chapter near the end of ‘The Road to Serfdom’ where Hayek lays this all out fairly neatly?

Ultimately, the myth of neoliberalism risks severely discrediting intelligent and rational critics of globalist crony-capitalism; just as 9/11 Truthers, anti-vaxxers, and Ickean lizard-hunters risk imperilling the cause of non-interventionism.

The Vast Neoliberal Conspiracy is a busted spunk, and it needs to be binned, if people have the merest whit of ethical seriousness about the substantial limitations of globalist crony capitalism.

***
Adapted from my comments at the Facebook Group: Zizek and the Slovenian School. Further adapted from a post at Jonathan Arts and Critique.
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