Month: March 2013
Pinewood Derby Teaches Valuable Lessons in Cheating, Abandonment
My boys had their first Pinewood Derby. As I sat there it dawned on me what’s really being taught; all the ugliness of life in one 7-ounces block of resentment. My older son had what I can charitably describe as…
Obnoxious American Gives Snide Opinions on Euro Football, Gets Booted From EU
It is time to take the opportunity to take you folks in England (and you in Scotland and Ireland too for that matter) to task on this thing you call ‘European Football’ God only knows somebody needs to, so I’ll…
Florida Lt. Governor Gives 6 To 1 Odds On Replacement
First Lady Michelle Obama – Coming soon to an Applebee’s near you
In case you’re just now emerging from a three-month coma or don’t have a television, you may have missed that Michelle Obama seems to be everywhere lately. Ever since she unveiled her brand new, trend-setting bangs in January, you almost…
Wanted to Know How to Woo My Lady. Book Learnin’ Did Me Right
As long-time readers of Glossy News know, I’m a man of exquisite passion. So when I wanted to ratchet up the loving, I did what any man would do. I sipped some whiskey, yelled at my kids, and turned to…
Dead Pigs in River Classic Case of Zodiac Rivalry, Chinese Officials Say
SHANGHAI–Chinese officials have released an official statement today on the reason behind the almost 3,000 porcine carcasses found floating in the Huangpu river. The well-timed statement has successfully lifted the fog of mystery surrounding this formerly intriguing incident and, at…