Posted in Health

Obesity Epidemic Caused by Lack of Nicotine, According to “Doctor”

Center for Disease Control (CDC) Assistant Director, Doctor Richard Fulcrum, announced today that the major cause of obesity in the United States is that scores of Americans are quitting smoking and depriving their bodies of nicotine. “We notice that from…

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Posted in Entertainment Society

Match.com Under Fire for “Group” Dating Events

Dating website Match.com, which claims to use intricate compatibility matrices to find potential dates for willing singles, has come under fire with its most recent dating campaign. Match.com’s Stir events have been plagued by charges of racism after participants have…

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Posted in Sports

Paralympians Are People Too

Thanks to the Paralympics, disabled people are now being viewed as actual people, according to the worldwide media. In hopes to change attitudes towards those with disabilities, the IOC, the International Olympic Committee, have decided to hold the Paralympics in…

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Posted in Politics World News

German Truffles Snuff Out Syrian Conflict

Assad’s chocolate-covered Eurotrip ends in his capture The Syrian conflict ended yesterday after the president of Syria, Bashar al-Assad, and his wife, Amir al-Assad, were captured last week in the small German town of Steinheim.

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Posted in Science

NASA Discovers They Left an Astronaut Behind on the Moon After Historic First Landing

Ironically coincidental with the demise of the man who first walked on the moon, NASA has discovered that it had forgotten an astronaut on the moon. In fact, it appears that he was left at the time of Apollo 11’s…

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Posted in Top Stories

The Kindness of Banks Thanks to Soul Modification

A dear friend of mine, Penin Diaz, sent me this distressing report that I felt compelled to share with you. – Barb Weir Our family is going through hard times, and we’re trying to cut expenses, so I asked my…

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