Month: May 2010
God Photoshops Jupiter
Galley Leio, Australia – An amateur astronomer from Australia has photos to prove that God has a computer and He’s pretty good at photoshopping objects in the universe to change their appearance (God that is). Take Jupiter for example. Astronomers…
Airline Passengers Share Drop-Down Tray without Consulting Lawyers
The non-verbal, un-written agreement was established quickly to provide two airline passengers with shared-use of the center seat’s drop-down tray.
Dick Cheney Has Oil on His Hands in Louisiana
Jackson, WY (GlossyNews)b– “Oh what an oily mess we make when kickbacks from Halliburton we do take,” should have screamed the headlines in this morning’s newspapers across the land. But alas, it was not to be. Instead, the only media…
Copy of Mein Kampf Found in Glenn Beck’s Locker Next to His Lederhosen
Beck claims he just uses it as reference to use against the Obama administration and not for purposes of learning how to indoctrinate his listeners.
WWII Veteran Seeks Asylum from Arizona
Prescott, AZ (GlossyNews) — Captain Dudley Engelbrook, 91, of Chino Valley, Arizona is seeking asylum in Greece, Iceland, and several other European countries. Years of shoddy health care combined with the loss of veterans’ benefits, says the proud veteran of…
Obama Appoints TV Show ‘Doctor’ as Vice President
Washington, DC (GlossyNews) — In a bold bid to rally voter support for healthcare reform and boost Democrats’ election prospects, President Obama announced today the resignation of Vice President Joe Biden and appointment of television actor Patrick Dempsey to replace…
Singer Elvis Costello Refuses to Perform in Israel
“Oy vey, what a schmuck,” said one man as Israelites far and wide kvetshed about this latest development.
Patronization Conference — Probably Not Your Cup of Tea, Anyway
Princeton, NJ (GlossyNews) — Elite Ivy League Educators, students, and a cross section of the nation’s most powerful business and social leaders are meeting this week for the first annual “Patronization Expo” being held just off the campus of scenic…
Glossy News Journalist Missing in South America
San Vincente, Bolivia (GlossyNews) — Reporters Without Borders spokesperson Kay O’Varian today announced fears about the fate of legendary Glossy News writer Blake Pennywhistle. “We all know Blake. He’s like an Edward R. Murrow in our profession, except half-drunk all…
Furor Over Vampire-Werewolf Prom Date
May 19, 2010: Posted from a secure, undisclosed location by Glossy News South America correspondent in hiding. In addition to the ever present mosquitoes, the air is thick with tension in this peaceful Southern town, regarding next week’s Prom. The…