Category: Politics
Local Woman Orders at Deli, Is Reminded of Election
Worchester, MA – Esther Urville, manager at Norbert’s Garden Shop, too frazzled to brown bag her lunch this morning, ran to the local deli on her lunch hour. While placing her order, she was reminded, to her chagrin, of the…
I Rfreed, Hereby Publicly Give My Condescension, er, Concession Speech
In lieu of my humiliating defeat yesterday as I vied with two lesser alleged human beings for the coveted role of Dictator Of America, I must now bow to present social convention and offer to the public my Concession Speech,…
God Gives His Endorsement- Sort Of…
We interrupt this website to bring you an important news development. God has appeared in the clouds above New York, the news media center of the United States, if not the whole world. The Majestic One appeared upset and annoyed,…
Obama “best is yet to come” confirmed by projections for 3012
Social scientists working with computer models have confirmed U.S. President Barack Obama’s election night statement that, “…for the United States of America, the best is yet to come.” RIGHT: U.S. President Barack Obama predicts, “the best is yet to come,”…
Newsflash: America Votes to End Democracy, Become Dictatorship
GlossyNews.com – Nov. 7, 2012- An astonishing, unexpected, unbelievable and catastrophic end has come to the long Presidential election in the United States today. An overwhelming number of Americans in the write in section of the ballot expressed that they…
Sorry To Inform You, But This Whole Election Has Been a Scam
GlossyNews.com – My fellow Americans- I wish to prepare you for a great and unbelievable shock. At least for most of you. Some have already realized what is happening. Please sit down. This will be hard to take.
Rampant Mourning: Obama Conspires with Hurricane to Steal Election
In what has been the most polarizing campaign since our nation was torn apart by Pepsi’s shocking defeat of Coke in the Pepsi Challenge of 1975, it appears that thanks to an ingenious last-minute October Surprise maneuver, President Obama has…
Peyton Manning Didn’t Vote: Too Busy Feigning Modesty About Status as Best F’ng Quarterback Ever
Denver, CO—Denver Broncos’ Quarterback, Peyton Manning, revealed to reporters this evening that he didn’t have time to visit the polls today because he was too busy faking modest responses to numerous claims that he is the greatest QB of all…
Kentucky Democrat Votes for Right to Complain
Newport, KY – Local liberal Michael Benton walked to the middle school gymnasium, and was greeted with laughter and an occasional jeer. He greeted his Republican friends, gave his ID to the snickering old ladies behind the folding table, and…
US Vote Entire Gov. Out of Office; Celebrations Ring Through Streets
American Voters Take Inspiration From Belgium and Get Rid of Their Government. GlossyNews.com – American voters, sick of months of a rabid and bilious Presidential campaign, today on voting day made a decisive choice of getting rid of their government…