Categorized | Politics

Obama “best is yet to come” confirmed by projections for 3012

Obama “best is yet to come” confirmed by projections for 3012

Social scientists working with computer models have confirmed U.S. President Barack Obama’s election night statement that, “…for the United States of America, the best is yet to come.”

RIGHT: U.S. President Barack Obama predicts, “the best is yet to come,” after winning reelection in 2012. (CLICK TO ENLARGE)

According to Waistov Goudmonet, leader of the research team, “Our models indicate that after the U.S. recovers from transfer of its wealth to international tycoons, corporations and overseas interests, depletion of its natural resources, pollution of its environment, a couple of nuclear meltdowns, disappearance of the middle class, mass starvation, subjugation and incarceration of the remaining population under a police state and other existing trends, the U.S. will become a lovely place to live. We project that this will happen in the year 3012, but possibly later, depending upon the duration of some of these trends.”

“Of course, you have to realize,” he said, “that the worst is also yet to come, and will in fact come several times before the best, because no matter how bad you think things are, they can always get worse. And they will.”

“China will be forced to foreclose on an indigent United States and enslave its population to pay for our bad debts.”

Some of the other scientists on the team dissented in part with the findings. Don Gimmidatchit pointed out that “…the findings place in doubt the very existence of the United States. There is a very strong possibility that China will be forced to foreclose on an indigent United States and enslave its population to pay for our bad debts. This process is already under way.

“Another possibility with similar results is that Israel will exercise its control over the U.S. Congress to annex the U.S. and use it to fight its wars in the Middle East. If either of these happens, the depletion and enslavement predictions will hold true, but the United States will cease to exist except possibly as a puppet state.”

With this rigorous scientific report in hand, this reporter decided to conduct an informal survey among U.S. citizens. The first interview was with Bendaire Dundat, an 88-year-old retired steel worker in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

“I’m no scientist,” he said, “but it seems to me that the algorithm contains an inherent bias and that the data construct necessarily omits vectors whose importance and indeed very existence or definition are unknown or uncertain. An argument might be made, for example, that the best has already come and gone.

“I was a child in the depression and served in World War II, and I can tell you that neither was the best of times. But between the Korean and Vietnamese wars we had unprecedented prosperity and economic equality. Not for everyone, of course, but compared to any other time the rich paid their fair share and American workers were treated with respect. We can’t be sure, but I see no signs that we’re headed in that direction.”

That was enough for me. I gave up on my survey and went back to research team leader Goudmonet to get his thoughts. “The man’s an idiot,” he said. “He told you that he lived through the worst depression and war in human history before getting to the best of times. That’s our model! We figure that if there is an even worse depression and a more horrific world war, it will be followed by an even better time. That’s what our model shows. Just imagine how nice it will be after a massive famine and worldwide holocaust!”


This post was written by

- who has written 68 posts on

Barb Weir is the pseudonym of a writer and social justice advocate in the San Francisco Bay Area.


5 Responses to “Obama “best is yet to come” confirmed by projections for 3012”

  1. bargis says:

    very good! Well done Barb

  2. Barb Weir says:

    Thanks, Bargis. I’m holding my breath until 3012!

  3. rfreed says:

    I gladly offer my services as the Leader of the Police State.
    But not if I have to be a puppet of the Chinese!

  4. Barb Weir says:

    You’re right, rfreed (or perhaps that should now be past tense). At least you have the choice of being a puppet of the Israelis!

  5. The best is jet to come…Obama will support the Israeli terrorism, he will attack Iran on the name of his boss Israel, he'll support the attack of the Zionist Bankers against the interest of the American people, he'll establish a Police State and the freedom of speech will be erase and he'll support the corrupt Zionist main stream media that keep the people confuse and mistakenly support the wrong side…For sure the best is jet to come.


Leave a Reply

We are also looking for a satire editor
and a Clever Photoshop Guru...
Check out our friends:
Check out links to even more of our friends...
Want to see Your Link Here?

Glossy Exclusive Video: How Hot Dogs are REALLY Made
(Comment on this video here)
-- (SEE ALL Videos) --

Visit the “Old Version” of our Site

Still want more? Find thousands of buried satirical gems in our archives on the old version of Glossy News!

Check This Out!

Our Top Authors (last 30-days)

16 posts
6 posts
3 posts
3 posts
2 posts
2 posts

All of Our Categories:

Top Stories - Top Stories; Politics - Top Stories; Serious Commentary - Top Stories; World News - Top Stories; Biz News - Top Stories; War Zone | Horoscopes
Entertainment - Entertainment; Celebrity Gossip - Entertainment; Television - Entertainment; Music - Entertainment; Internet Tubes - Entertainment; Books, Newspapers & Misc - Entertainment; Movies
Society - Society; Health - Society; Crime - Society; Travel - Society; Crooked Cops - Society; Education - Society; Strange People - Society; Religionism - Society; Human Interest - Society; Kidz Zone
Science and Technology - Science and Technology; Science - Science and Technology; Technology - Science and Technology; Gadgets & Gizmos - Science and Technology; Environment
Sports - Sports; Scandals - Sports; Athletes - Sports; Events | All the Rest - News in Your Briefs - Making Headlines - Opinion/Editorial