“I’ve given it much consideration,” said New Jersey Governor Chris Christie at an impromptu news conference called late Monday afternoon at the New Jersey diner where Christie is a regular customer. “I know that this decision will have a major impact on my wife Mary Pat, as well as my children, and so what I am about to tell you comes from my having spent hours upon hours upon hours spent in deep thought and reflection and it is a decision I do not take lightly.

With baited breath, the audience waited to hear those magical words, that Christie has decided to run for President.

“My fellow Americans, I am here today to announce to you my decision to choose a Weight Watcher’s diet over Atkins. My reasons for doing so…” but the crowd stood in silence. “You mean you’re freakin’ gonna finally go on a diet?” yelled someone from the back of the crowd.

“Yes,” replied Christie, puffing his chest out a bit more, so proud of himself and his decision. “Oh, and by the way, for the hundredth time folks, I am NOT running for President.”

This afternoon, after polling the five thousand intelligent and educated people in the United States, the recently-formed Rationalist Party announced its nomination of Neil deGrasse Tyson for President.

The Rationalist Party was formed in early 2010 by fellows of the Center for Inquiry – a non-profit organization with the mission of fostering a secular society based on science, reason, freedom of inquiry and humanist values. The party’s platform generally reflects the values of scientists and advocates for science and reason. Read the full story

It used to be that a person would back a Presidential candidate based on his voting record and his willingness to serve the American people. Honorable men and women would ask for your vote and in exchange, they would let you know exactly how they stand on the issues. No changing their minds. If they were for public health care or against it, you knew straight up, and that’s why you put your vote behind that person. Read the full story

Ever since Mitt Romney announced his bid for the GOP nomination for President in 2012, America has been embroiled in a controversy, i.e. whether a Moron could actually become President of the United States.

And now, another Moron has launched his candidacy. Former Utah Governor, Jon Huntsman, Jr. announced this week that he will travel the high road in his quest to become the GOP frontrunner for President. Read the full story

Donald Trump announced today that he won’t be seeking the GOP nomination for President in 2012. While many speculated it was because he realized that he would have a hard time securing that nomination, even if he bought it, the truth is, he’s quitting on doctor’s orders.

Dr. Harvey Finkelstein, one of Trump’s many personal physicians, stated that his patient suffers from a severe case of thin skin. Read the full story

Yet another indication that Donald Trump is absolutely serious about running for President is the fact that he has just listed his all-glass NY mansion for sale this weekend.

The home, a stunning 8 bedroom, 9-1/2 bathroom home is one of the most unusual homes in the older, reserved neighborhood of Old Wesbury, NY.

Boasting “more windows than a cathedral,” Trump is allegedly selling the property due to recent events that he says could very well bring harm to his property, a prediction made a long, long time ago by his grandmother. Read the full story

President Obama sat down with Fox News Show host Bill O’Reilly in a rare and candid interview that touched on everything from the unrest in Egypt and how it should be handled, the economy and how to achieve a more stable union, and Obama’s thoughts on the 2012 elections. But it was Glenn Beck that really brought the two men together in a meeting of the minds. Read the full story

At one time in our no-so-distant past the term ‘CEO’, meaning ‘Chief Executive Officer’, was invented to replace the perfectly good word ‘President’ as the title for the person heading up a company or corporation.

For some reason, some bureaucratic gerbils somewhere decided that acronyms were better than names for describing institutions, treaties, corporations and other entities of importance because it made them sound cooler and more authoritative. Read the full story

BALTIMORE, Maryland (GlossyNews) — The Obama Administration, in another unprecedented exercise of governmental control, has ordered the Consumer Protection Agency to implement sweeping new safety codes to protect children in shopping carts. The strict new rules will carry the force of law across America, but they are implemented by the Consumer Protection Agency – a body of appointed, not elected, officials who answer directly to the President and his cabinet.

The laws, which go into effect November 1, 2010, are designed to protect children and are based on a recent study which showed that over 24000 children are admitted to hospitals each year from accidents resulting from shopping cart incidents. While the reforms are meant to protect children, they severely hinder the rights and responsibilities of parents to control and monitor their own children’s behavior. Read the full story

In a perfect example of how psychotic the Bush Clan remains, Laura Bush has once again milked the tragedy of a teenager she killed in a car accident in Midland, Texas 50 years ago. This time to sell her new book, Spoken from the Heart, ghost written by Larry Kones. But amazingly, she cannot acknowledge the horrible accident known as the Presidency of GW Bush. Read the full story

For decades white men have been awaiting the evolution of the Black man. Usually stereotyped (by Whites) into such roles as ‘step-and-fetch-it’, submissive post-civil war Negro, or the violent, drug dealing Super Fly. We’ve been treated to the jive talking ever-hip huckster, the daughter raping threat to the community, the black power fisting Black Panther, or the gang banging, good for nothing ghetto dweller.

For decades there were no other images available to represent Black males in America society until recently. The cultural, hard working, intelligent representatives, who should have been role models, such as the Washington Carvers, the Langston Hughes, and the Frederick Douglases were seen as being freaks or abnormalities. Read the full story

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In an effort to revive his flagging presidency, Barack Obama plans to renew his oath of office in a special bipartisan ceremony to be held at the Washington Monument early this spring. Falling somewhere between a full-blown inaugural parade and a pander-to-the-base campaign rally, President Obama’s vow renewal is designed to assure the American public that he is not about to become the next Jimmy Carter. Read the full story

Arguably the most appealing characteristic of Sarah Palin is that she’s one of us. She’s not one of those elitists who finished her undergrad degree from just one school, and she doesn’t know what the heck Charlie Gibson is talking about when he springs ambiguous gotcha questions like the one about the Bush Doctrine. We all know what Bush stood for, but none of us knew what the heck that question was all about… could you be any more vague, Chuckles McGibson, hack? Read the full story