Tag Archive | "election"

Big Bird Talks Mitt Romney in Hard Hitting Interview


He’s every kid’s favorite bird. Big Bird has been a staple on American television since 1969. So it was no surprise that many Americans became upset when Mitt Romney made public his plan to fire the icon.

We met at the aptly named Sesame Street Restaurant and Big Bird laid out the ground rules. I can’t ask him about his parents and he wants me to read a book to some kids after the interview.

What followed was one of the most shocking yet meaningful interviews I’ve ever participated in. Read the full story

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Top-12 Reasons Mitt Romney Will Win the Election


With the election heating up and the polls wiggling more and more every day (in favor of Barack Obama), we have to look ever more closely at the race.

The good news is that, at least according to a couple polls, the race is tied, and Mitt Romney could easily pull it out and win this thing. The better news is that, according to all the real polls, Obama is crushing it. Read the full story

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Romney Schedules Debate to Convince Country He is Still Running


WASHINGTON D.C.- Political insiders have confirmed that not only is republican candidate, Mitt Romney, debating president Obama on Wednesday, but he is still running for president.

Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan met a group of supporters for a fund raiser, announcing that they will still be in the running for the white house all the way up until November 6th.

“People can’t count us out until the election is over,” explains Matt Rhodes, campaign advisor to Mitt Romney.

“I know the country wouldn’t quite pick that up over the past couple of weeks, but we have been hard at work over in the Romney camp trying to adequately prepare a game plan to let America know that we are here until election day.” Read the full story

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Romney’s Tax Records Show He’s Working for President Obama


WASHINTON D.C.- The Romeny campaign had contested showing Mitt’s 2011 returns for so long, and once released, every one understood why.

Mitt Romney had been on the Obama campaign’s payroll for quite some time.

“Mitt did a really good job acting like he was a serious contender for the presidency,” explains David Axlerod.

“I think recently, it became apparent that he was actually working for us. I mean, what candidate would have so many gaffes if he didn’t work for the other team?” Read the full story

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Romney On His Video Gaffe: ‘Obama Is Destroying This Nation’


WASHINGTON D.C. – Attempting to deflect growing criticism following a leaked video allegedly showing him alienating “47%” of the American electorate, Mitt Romney today addressed the issue, declaring: “Obama is ruining this great nation.”

Mr. Romney came under fire Monday after a video surfaced on the alternative news site MotherJones.com in which he appeared to say: “[M]y job is not to worry about those people. I’ll never convince them they should take personal responsibility and care for their lives,” to which he emphatically responded: “Things are much worse than they were four years ago under this president.” Read the full story

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Romney Concedes Election to Obama


With the election still months away, GOP Presidential candidate Mitt Romney admitted today that he has no chance of winning and has conceded the election to President Obama.

“I completely screwed up”, Romney admitted. “I am out of touch with the American people and my arrogance and stupidity have become clear to everyone. I am abandoning the race and I concede the election to Barak Obama”.

Romney’s friends and supporters were stunned at the announcement. “Yes, he f–ked up but I didn’t think he’d drop out!” said running mate Paul Ryan.

“You’ll have to forgive my husband. He comes across as being so smart but he’s a real dumb ass!” Romney’s wife Ann said.

The election will now be between Obama and Libertarian candidate Gary Johnson and many republicans said they will be switching to Johnson’s side.

“Anyone but Obama”, said former Ku Klux Klan leader Johnny Lee Clary.

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Romney and Ryan to Clean Up Streets in New ABC Drama


LOS ANGELES- After recent reports have surfaced over the lack of news coverage given to Mitt Romney, the Romney/Ryan campaign sought to tackle the issue through a different approach.

Romney campaign manager Matt Rhodes tells US Weekly that “It’s no surprise the liberal media is trying to marginalize Mitt. We saw this coming. We devised a plan to get Mitt and Paul out there, in the television of every home, without the help of the major news outlets, Prime time drama.” Read the full story

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Romney Proposes Two Week Term Limit on Facts


Dayton, OH – Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney today announced a controversial plan to place term limits on facts.

During a campaign stop in Ohio, Romney was overheard telling a Koch brother that if elected he will immediately propose placing a two week term limit on all facts due to their “terroristic nature” and “un-American qualities.” Read the full story

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Green Party Desperately Trying to Convince Nation It Has Other Policies


WASHINGTON D.C. – The Green Party of The United States is desperately trying to convince supporters of the two main political parties that it does have policies not linked in any way to the environment.

Speaking before a Q&A session Wednesday, Green Party presidential candidate Jill Stein insisted that people should “check out our stance on healthcare and education.”

“Every election it’s the same; people always think that the Green Party is just about saving some polar bears in the North Pole,” said Stein. Read the full story

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Romney Plans to Live in Large Uterus Instead of White House


Toledo, OH – Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney unveiled his plan to move himself and his family into a “uterus of suitable size and structure” if elected president.

He made the announcement during a speech at a Toledo go-kart manufacturing plant.

When asked by a member of the media why he decided on this plan, Romney said, “You know, I’ve thought about this a lot and I figured the best way for me to control the medical decisions women make is for me to just move into their uteri. Read the full story

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Republicans to Change Symbol from Elephant to Jesus Holding a Shotgun


Washington D.C. – In what many are calling a sign of the Republican Party’s desperation, Republican National Committee chairman Reince Priebus today announced that the long standing symbol of the Republican Party, the elephant, is being replaced by an image of Jesus with a shotgun.

Priebus said that Republicans were more able to relate to an armed Jesus than an elephant. “We did a lot of polls and stuff,” said Priebus. Read the full story

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Sean Hannity Accuses Democratic National Convention of Liberal Bias


NEW YORK, NY – As the Democratic National Convention continued in Charlotte Thursday, Fox News presenter and political commentator Sean Hannity accused members of the Democratic Party of displaying liberal bias in the vast majority of its speeches, policies and sentiment.

The outspoken broadcaster, known for defending the ideology of the Republican Party, insisted that the convention’s organizers “played it safe” by intentionally only inviting liberal speakers, such as Bill Clinton, Michelle Obama and Joe Biden. Read the full story

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Corporations Broker Historic Repub/Dem Compromise to Boost U.S. Economy


As unlikely as it may seem in the throes of an increasingly vicious national election, U.S. Republicans and Democrats appear to be in agreement on providing a major stimulant to the economy – the elections themselves.

Now that corporations are properly recognized as people and money as free speech, the coffers of both parties are filled to overflowing.

I was having a drink with a corporation the other day, and she explained (Disclosure: I had left my free speech in my other purse, so she paid the bill). “Our new ability to spend as much as we want to buy elections means that this can be a major source of economic activity.” Read the full story

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Congressman Todd Akin: I was raped and did not become pregnant


Congressman Todd Akin of Missouri fueled the flames of controversy about his statements on “legitimate rape” when he revealed to this reporter that he was himself a victim of rape and had not become pregnant.

“The criticism that I am ignorant about rape and its consequences is totally unfounded,” he declared.

“I was raped and did not become pregnant, and that is why I am more qualified than most to speak to this issue.” Read the full story

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Paul Ryan Something of An O.G.


Milwaukee, Wisconsin- Recently, news surfaced that Paul Ryan’s college sweet heart was black, but what media outlets don’t know is that Paul Ryan was O.G.

The term, O.G., is an abbreviation for original gangster, a term used by hip hop artists to denote their long standing stature within the urban counter culture.

Ryan stated in an interview, “Yeah, My girlfriend all through out college was black.” He added, “What I don’t think people realize about me is just how gangster I really was.

RIGHT: Is Paul Ryan an O.G. original gansta? (CLICK TO ENLARGE) Read the full story

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Greece Plans to Close Budget Deficit by Reloading Big, Fat Greek Wedding Franchise


Athens — After many years of embarrassing budget mismanagement leading to a debt of over 450 billion dollars, the Greek government has agreed that the only way out of their economic recession is to remake the 2002 sleeper hit My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Read the full story

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