Tag Archive | "corruption"

What If The Governments of the World Were Run Like Game Shows? (2/2)


TRUTH OR CONSEQUENCES

 

Contestants will don the uniform of their countries secret police to torment detainees, both legitimate and innocent, for information.

The players will be judged on both the quality of the information acquired and the inventiveness of the techniques used to get that information. Read the full story

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Pillory and Paddle


There is a politician who is universally disliked except by the people who keep sending her back to the House of Representatives. Please don’t do that anymore. If you feel that strongly about the woman keep her at home.

She is the only person who ever made me truly regret having given up on the notion of purgatory. I now wish there was cause and effect between her earthly conduct and the fate of her miserable soul. She has never revealed her actual age but I am usually a good guesser and would put her at about 95 or 100. Her husband is a criminal. Well, so is she but somehow no one has gotten around to plopping the pair of them in the hoosegow. But, they are far too wealthy to ever find a bunk there. I can’t reveal her name because the state she represents has a special set of liable laws making it an expensive felony to say anything truthful about her.

Her biography is a tricky thing, changing without consequence to fit any notion that will bring her the most sympathy and votes. Once she was descended from Native American tribes. Then from slave stock, then from harried immigrant blood. Whatever cause is at the forefront she is in the thick of it always claiming to be the most oppressed victim of all.

Finding her real beginnings proved difficult. I wanted to find out whose privates had been sorely used by Beelzebub and forced into the despicable do-si-do that spawned her. Any reliable documents have been long purged. A study of her face brings to mind Sauron and his possible use of it as the prototype for his orcs. But even that necromancer could never conjure up such a face of evil. She has to have a past beyond the deception and thievery that plagues us now. She had to come from somewhere.

It took months of hard work to track down one bitter old man who years before claimed to know the identity of this woman’s real mother. Foul things had come to him after his disclosure. His temerity had nearly cost him his life. But he never backed away from his claim and when I went to visit him he produced a yellowed news clipping. One he keep safe in a small plastic sandwich bag. It was an article from Starlet Magazine, a Hollywood publication that dealt with the scandals and hijinks of silent screen sirens. This one featured Normani O’Rourke. He swore she was her real mother.

I left and began researching Normani O’Rourke. To find out all I could about her. She had been a silent film star cast as a sultry wench who seduced the best known actors of her time. Both on and off the set. She’d been in a well-publicized fight with Mae Busch. A starlet from Australia. They had argued over who was going to play Cleopatra in an upcoming blockbuster directed by D.W. Griffith. A titan of his time. They both wanted the role but Mae took ol’ D.W. behind the backdrop and won the job. Normani fumed.

Turning her back on legitimate films, Normani started to do illegitimate ones. She changed her name to Ma Bush to get back at her old rival. She had her hair dyed and styled to match Mae Busch and even had a birthmark tattooed on her cheek to match the distinctive feature her nemesis used as her trademark. In the graininess of the medium of the day they looked nearly identical.

Her first film was entitled, Ma Bush Goes to the Meat Market. Thin on plot, except for Ma Bush taking on all the meat cutters for a free lamb chop, it was action packed. And thoroughly embarrassing for Mae Busch who repeatedly denied it was her.

Her second film was Ma Bush Comes Home, a film about the prodigal daughter returning home for the holidays. No one was safe. Uncles, cousins and even a few aunts were part of the shenanigans. For the final scene the table was cleared and Ma Bush lay naked upon it, taking on all comers while her father pounded out a lively ragtime piece on the family piano.

Mae Busch was ruined and turned to drink. She named Normani O’Rourke as the real Ma Bush but no one believed her. She could no longer find work on the big screen and all of her friends deserted her in disgust. Excoriating sermons were composed and delivered expounding the evils of her debauchery, promiscuity and incest. Mae Busch died an ignominious and lonely death.

As an aside, Mae Busch wasn’t the only victim. I too lost a person close to me because of this. In Ma Bush’s old black and white films everyone always went really fast. I was intrigued by this style of lovemaking. I didn’t find out until later that old film makes just makes it look that way. They really didn’t go that fast. I tried it on my girlfriend. She packed up and left even after I promised never to go that fast again.

In celebration of her enemy’s demise, Ma Bush starred in the extravaganza Ma Bush Joins the Logging Camp. Posing as the camp’s shy and virtuous laundry maid, Ma Bush went through every lumberjack, cook and log splitter. Moving from one five man tent to the next she took them all on.

In the daylight hours Ma Bush would take picnic lunches out to the men laboring in the woods. She flitted around like a forest sprite taking on one clump of long bearded wood choppers after another. She was an avalanche of shamefulness, fun and abandon. Portraying on film what only the worst of reprobates would attempt behind a closed door.

But Mae Busch was dead and it didn’t take long for everyone to catch on to the ruse. They all said, “That’s not Mae Busch, it’s really Normani O’Rourke!” That was what the old man’s article had said. It said that somewhere in those sinful acts biology won out and Ma Bush, now outed as Normani O’Rourke left the bacchanalian orgies with not only splinters but also pregnant with the politician who would end up doing so much damage to all of us.

In the end we all paid the price for Normani’s revenge on Mae Busch by being forced to fill the greedy, cold hearted pockets of Normani’s dark issue. And when we can pay no more all that’s left for us rabble is the pillory and paddle.

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Devastating Campaign Trail Interview: Hillary ‘Misspeaks’ Over Links to Wall Street


Hillary Clinton is renowned for her talents in the highly competitive artistic fields of evasive and equivocal rhetoricmongering. How did she react recently when I grilled her about her ties to Wall Street?

Wall Street? Uh, excuse me, but we’re going to have to define our terms here. [Aside]: And by ‘we,’ I mean ‘me…’ ohhh, shit! It’s not really working this time, is it??

You know, all these big banks you are receiving money from?

Well, first of all, how do you define ‘big?’ Read the full story

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Blair, Berlusconi Salute Blatter’s Character and Integrity


The recent revival of the Sepp Blatter affair http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/33303066

has led two of the former FIFA President’s most faithful allies business partners supporters to pay tribute..

To this leading light of international gamesmanship…

Uh, ‘sport.’

Tony Blair said:

People are criticizing Blatter now, but as I always say, ‘it’s not over ‘til it’s over.’ Just let History be the judge. Read the full story

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FIFA Joins Forces with ISIS: “It’s a Perfect Match”


FIFA president Sepp Blatter insists that he’s not using a fake name, but he also swears his sworn alliance to ISIS is likewise legitimate.

FIFA and ISIS. One is a ruthless, soulless dictatorship that destroys everything in its path and the other is an Islamic terrorist organization. Read the full story

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Posted in Sports Scandals, War ZoneComments (3)

Mitt Romney Cannot, Will Not Win (Yet Again) And Here’s Why


Time Magazine has a great article about Mitt Romney, and how his third (and final?) attempt at running for office will be no better than before.

On the early morning of Election 2012 I ran an article entitled “Obama WILL Win Today, And Here’s Why” and I was blasted by conservative friends for it. Read the full story

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Remember All that Voter Fraud? The Real Numbers Surprised Us


It is easy to grab headlines with a lurid claim –“TENS OF THOUSANDS MAY BE VOTING ILLEGALLY!”– but the follow-up, when any exists – is not usually deemed newsworthy. – From “The Truth About Voter Fraud” by the Brennan Center for Justice.

This is an attempt by guest writer Flantabulous to compile all ‘those non-newsworthy follow-ups’. Read the full story

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Undercover PennDOT Workers Disguised As Cops To Secretly Finish Turnpike Construction


PITTSBURGH — The Pennsylvania Department of Transportation (PennDOT) recently announced plans to disguise an elite group of its workers as police officers and place them in construction zones along the Pennsylvania Turnpike in order to secretly finish some of the roadwork. Read the full story

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International MH370 Search Efforts To Be Unified Under “Operation Wild Goose”


Responding to criticism that search efforts for the ill fated Flight 370 have been unfocused, haphazard and confusing, United Nations Secretary-General Ban-ki-moon announced today that all future efforts will be directed by one authority under the title “Operation Wild Goose”. Read the full story

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Ten Year Government Study Concludes People Like Beaches


Amity Island, FL – A recently completed government financed study of people’s weekend and holiday habits has concluded that people like beaches.

“We weren’t sure why people were going to the seashore.” said lead research scientist Phil Pockets. “Was it something encoded in our DNA? Did people feel socially obligated to build sand castles and sing songs while roasting marshmallows around a bonfire? Nobody knew.” Read the full story

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Bridge-gate? Mayor Cokeford? Fuggedaboutit, eh?


Most political scandals in America have a Washington connection. Think Watergate, Abscam, Iran-Contra and Clinton-Lewinsky. In the case of the maelstrom surrounding Chris Christie, however, the Washington connection happens to be the George Washington Bridge spanning New Jersey and Manhattan.

For those who might have been out of the country or trapped in traffic on said bridge, Governor Christie is in hot water because his staffers arranged a traffic tie-up on the GWB last September in retaliation for the lack of a reelection endorsement from Fort Lee’s Democratic Mayor Mark Sokolich. Read the full story

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Fullerton Pacifist Joins NRA – Buys Uzi


Fullerton, Orange County, CA – Fullerton resident and lifelong pacifist Dylan Donovan today announced that he has finally caved in to environmental pressures by joining the NRA and buying an Uzi sub-machine gun. Speaking from his home in downtown Fullerton, Donovan told reporters:

“I’ve always been against violence in any shape or form. I’ve also believed in the rights of any individual – regardless of race, sexual orientation or gender – to live a life unimpeded by violence of any description. It breaks my heart to say it, but I just don’t feel safe anymore.” Read the full story

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African Dictator Unveils Plan to Combat AIDS Epidemic: ‘Let Them All Starve’


HARARE, ZIMBABWE – Following an emergency meeting with senior members of his ZANU PF Party, longtime ruler of Zimbabwe Robert Mugabe unveiled bold new plans Friday to alleviate the country’s growing AIDS outbreak, declaring: “they must all starve.”

Opting to eschew more traditional methods of raising AIDS awareness through community outreach and flyering, Mr Mugabe insisted that AIDS sufferers and people found to be HIV positive should be “cut off from the food chain, so as to reduce our AIDS statistics.” Read the full story

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Report: Biden to Become Prime Minister of Italy


After weeks of crisis and gridlock, Italians have a new prime minister, and his name is Biden. That is, Joseph Robinette Biden.

America’s vice president was selected for the position after consensus picks such as Oliver Stone and Roman Polanski lost out due to a last minute revolt by Silvio Berlusconi’s People of Freedom Party, which desired to put Monica Bellucci in the position. Read the full story

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Letter to the editor: CBS, NBC, ABC & CNN are Democrat Networks


The following letter is in response to a story dated October, 21st of last year entitled Shepard Smith to Leave FOX News Over Harassment?. This mad gem comes to us from “Tim Pitchfork” from blah blah whatever.

Tim Pitchford (Carmel, IN) wrote:
Mike Kelly calls Fox the Republican :National ne work, does that mean that CBS, NBC, ABC and CNN are Democrat national networks?

Read the full story

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Posted in Internets TubesComments (8)

Dominican Republic Prostitute: No Way I Ever Slept With Something Like That!


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