Tag Archive | "abortion"

Texas GOP Passes Bill Forcing Men to Have Pre-Vasectomy Sonograms


In a surprising upset for gender equality groups, the Texas GOP passed a bill requiring men to have sonograms prior to receiving vasectomies.

This includes a three-day waiting period before going through with this “unGodly” procedure of “tearing asunder what God joined together [at birth,]” specifically one’s nutsack, according to head of the Texas GOP Chief Biblical Scholar Chick “Goober” Pease. Read the full story

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“Yucky World” w/ Dick and Janey: Pro-choice Advocates Changing Tactics


Announcer: “National Review”, in its August 25th edition, noted that abortion rights supporters “are abandoning the label ‘pro-choice’.” However, NR goes on to note, a “sure substitute for ‘pro-choice’ has yet to emerge…” (p.10)

Georgia Ohwell, a pro-abortion activist, has a strategy based on a terminology change to revolutionize the dynamics of the abortion debate. She will be discussing this with talk show hosts Dick and Janey of “Yucky World”. Read the full story

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Ultrasound Shows Chelsea Clinton’s Unborn Child is a Conservative


(Great Falls, VA.) – To the horror of the entire Clinton clan, ultrasound results have proven that Chelsea Clinton is pregnant with a conservative child.

The family was overjoyed at the initial news of the pregnancy but, upon learning of the test results, have gone into a time of mourning over its political affiliation.

Mrs. Clinton was shocked when their nurse informed them of the news. “I’m speechless and don’t know what I’m going to do! How could this happen to me? Why have I been cursed?” Read the full story

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Texas Judge In Quite the Moral Quandary After Unborn Fetus Kills 3


WACO, TEXAS — The Hon. Judge Earl Baker is reportedly “in a pretty big pickle” following the conviction of an unborn fetus who was found guilty of murdering a family of three earlier this year.

According to court records from the case of Texas v. Fetus, jurors found the fetal defendant guilty on all three counts of first degree murder but, as Judge Baker put it, “I’m havin’ a hell of a time sortin’ this whole thing out and comin’ up with an appropriate sentence, on account of the fact that it would technically be an abortion if we were to throw the switch on that adorably tiny sociopath.” Read the full story

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NRA Slams Birth Control: “We Must Fight Semen With Semen”


WASHINGTON — In a prepared statement, the Neonatal Responsibility Association (NRA) announced their official stance on the highly contested birth control debate.

According to the statement, the NRA argues that “any attempt to infringe on a woman’s right to bear arms – or legs or little teeny tiny torsos or any other fetal parts – in her womb is unconstitutional. Whether it’s the government, the woman’s partner or the woman herself, birth control is just not the American way.” Read the full story

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Pro-knife movement to arm unborn babies


Congress Steve Stockman (R-Texas), pro-knife advocate, has introduced H.R. 1526, the Weapons for Unborn Act of 2013 – a bill to require doctors performing abortions to arm unwanted fetuses with a choice of close combat weapon.

“I have one concern: protecting developing infants from dangerous abortion doctor predators,” Stockman explained. “By arming qualified embryos and fetuses, we can create a safer situation for our unborn children.” Read the full story

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Cops to Use Womb as Rape Evidence Locker


Swee Chung Ting, an alleged rape victim in New Mexico, is seeking to charge the state for use of her womb as an evidence locker.

It began with submission of legislation to make abortion illegal in New Mexico in cases where pregnancy results from rape or incest, on the grounds that such abortion would constitute “tampering with evidence”. The prosecutor in Ms. Ting’s case apparently felt that new legislation might not be required, and filed an injunction against Ms. Ting to prevent her from having an abortion, on the same grounds. Read the full story

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Yes Virginia, We’ll Protect Your Vagina


Planned Parenthood today issued a public announcement that they were no longer taking the continued attacks on their services lying down.

In a coordinated effort with several law groups, a new service being offered is to legally incorporate your uterus.

A well thought out plan that will effectively take the female reproductive organs from a personally owned depository for fetuses into a level on par with major corporations. Once the filing has been completed the female will then no longer need to fight against right wing interests for control over what her choices are. Read the full story

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Richard Murdock’s Senate Campaign in Disarray As God Comes Out Pro Choice


INDIANAPOLIS – The senate campaign of Indiana’s leading Republican candidate, Richard Mourdock, is reportedly in disarray Tuesday after the Almighty Father in Heaven identified himself as pro-choice.

God’s stance on the issue of abortion comes as a particular blow to Mr. Mourdock, who insisted during Tuesday’s senatorial debate that “rape pregnancies are God’s will”.

However, The Lord was moved to clarify his position in light of Mourdock’s remarks Tuesday night, taking the opportunity to rebuke the would-be senator. Read the full story

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Speaker Boehner Declares War On Women Over, Proposes Removal Of All Rights


In a move that is considered very ballsy for a man who cries every time someone mentions a bar, Congressional Speaker of the House John Boehner declared today that he was officially submitting legislation that would end the so called “War On Women”.

Because issues surrounding women’s health have continually caused problems for the republican party during this election cycle, Speaker Boehner has determined that they can no longer retreat from every idiotic statement made by candidates for office from their party with the same contention that it was taken out of context or it’s meaning twisted. Read the full story

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GlossyNews.com Interviews Paul Ryan on Equal Rights and the Personhood of Fertilized Corporations


The U.S. Republican Vice Presidential nominee, Paul Ryan, is often portrayed as a person of little compassion. However, he sees himself as expanding equal rights to new classes of persons. Here is how he responded to my questions on these subjects:

GlossyNews.com: Congressman Ryan, you’ve said that human life is precious to you, so why do you insist that even if a pregnancy endangers the life of a woman, she has no right to end it? Read the full story

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Congressman Todd Akin: I was raped and did not become pregnant


Congressman Todd Akin of Missouri fueled the flames of controversy about his statements on “legitimate rape” when he revealed to this reporter that he was himself a victim of rape and had not become pregnant.

“The criticism that I am ignorant about rape and its consequences is totally unfounded,” he declared.

“I was raped and did not become pregnant, and that is why I am more qualified than most to speak to this issue.” Read the full story

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Non-aborted Person Complains About Lot in Life


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Santorum gets suicidal over teleprompters


GOPTEA™ CAMPAIGN TRAIL —GlossyNews Listening to Rick Santorum speak is like listening to him arguing with himself. He keeps arguing and arguing until he realizes he has won. Then he smiles a cheshire cat smile of a grin, and makes a note of his win. Read the full story

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The Texas Abortion Gauntlet: It’s Runny


With Texas Governor Rick Perry signing a new bill requiring women to see a sonogram of their unborn baby before undergoing an abortion, into law, the nature of the abortion debate has changed nationwide.

The law in its current form requires a 24 hour waiting period and for photos of the developing fetus to be made available to the expecting mother. Governor Perry praises the law saying, “Every life lost to abortion is a tragedy we all must work together to prevent.” Read the full story

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Pelosi Vows to Shorten Abortion Waiting Period to a Year


CHICAGOLAND, Illinois (GlossyNews) — With the advent of National Socialized Medicine, Democratic supporters squeaked in a provision that allows free abortions upon demand for any women who desires one.

Cited as free choice and a right of all women, the Pelosi sponsored amendment was added at the last moment once it was discovered that Congress had the necessary votes to pass an unpopular bill which is vastly unsupported by a vast majority of Americans. Many simply state they like our present healthcare the way it is…The best in the world. Read the full story

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