Search Results for: obama
God Gives His Endorsement- Sort Of…
We interrupt this website to bring you an important news development. God has appeared in the clouds above New York, the news media center of the United States, if not the whole world. The Majestic One appeared upset and annoyed,…
Newsflash: America Votes to End Democracy, Become Dictatorship
GlossyNews.com – Nov. 7, 2012- An astonishing, unexpected, unbelievable and catastrophic end has come to the long Presidential election in the United States today. An overwhelming number of Americans in the write in section of the ballot expressed that they…
Sorry To Inform You, But This Whole Election Has Been a Scam
GlossyNews.com – My fellow Americans- I wish to prepare you for a great and unbelievable shock. At least for most of you. Some have already realized what is happening. Please sit down. This will be hard to take.
Kentucky Democrat Votes for Right to Complain
Newport, KY – Local liberal Michael Benton walked to the middle school gymnasium, and was greeted with laughter and an occasional jeer. He greeted his Republican friends, gave his ID to the snickering old ladies behind the folding table, and…
Ruh Ro: Romney Concedes Florida Let the Dogs Out
GlossyNews.com – TALLAHASSEE — Mitt Romney conceded Florida early election night, roof-racked by a story he could not shake. Animal activists nationwide hounded Romney the length of the campaign for strapping Seamus, the family dog to the roof of the…
Empty Chair Posts Strong Showing In Early Voting
GlossyNews.com – This election year has seen a surge in early voting as more and more states allow for this convenient option, while others have restricted the hell out of it. Both the Obama and Romney camps had hoped that…
Maryland Overwhelming Approves Gay Marriage, Mauve
GlossyNews.com – In sharp contrast to the first 32 state amendments barring marriage between two loving adults who happen to share the commonality of penis or vagina, Maryland tonight approved Question 6 allowing marriage equality to become law in the…
Undecided Ohio Voter Literally Chooses Winner
GlossyNews.com – Undecided voter Harold Merman of Niblock, Ohio has finally made his choice for this year’s presidential election. It should come as no surprise; he’s choosing the winner. That’s right; whoever finishes first on November 6th has Mr. Merman’s…
Evangelicals Just Say (Hell) No to Romney
GlossyNews.com – WASHINGTON, DC — Destruction wrought by Hurricane Sandy finds evangelicals staying home rather than casting a vote for Mitt Romney, Virgil Goode or Mickey Mouse. The “Lord’s Will” movement initially organized to support evangelical voters in religious despair…
Dixville Notch Grabs Crotch for President
GlossyNews.com – DIXVILLE NOTCH — It’s midnight in Dixville Notch, ten registered voters, one minute to vote, it’s dark, cold and everyone wore a Mackinaw, though few would tell us what exactly that is. By 12:05 a.m., the 2012 Presidential…