Obama’s New Running Mate – Anti-Biden Shocker
It came out today that President Obama will replace Joe Biden as his running mate for the 2012 presidential election. Beyonce will be filling in for the stodgy old senator. Her star power will surely add the glitz and glamor…
Ted Nugent Gets a Good Hunting Buddy in Killer Cannibal Luka Magnotta
Ted Nugent, the flaming redneck of rock and gun fame, who was most recently in the news for ‘suggesting’ that Obama and his Cabinet be beheaded, has found himself a new hunting buddy. “That damn (expletive deleted) Luka Magnotta (the…
ATM Worried About Job Prospects in Cashless Economy
COLUMBUS, OH – As plastic and electronic methods continue to replace cash as consumers’ preferred means of payment, fears about the long-term impact of this trend are running high among a key segment of the nation’s banking workforce, specifically its…
Bill Clinton: Rather Switch than Fight
NEW YORK–Bill Clinton rocked the political world today by announcing his change in party affiliation from Democrat to Independent. Meet the Press moderator David Gregory asked Mr. Clinton to explain his decision. “Could’ve been worse,” Clinton responded. “Could’ve switched to…
“Penis Prologue” Heats Up War of the Sexes in Michigan
A hastily written script entitled the “Penis Prologue” is scheduled to be read by Michigan Speaker James Bolger on the Michigan State Capitol steps Friday before hundreds of male counter-protesters. The reading is in response to Rep. Lisa Brown’s performance…
Greece Plans to Close Budget Deficit by Reloading Big, Fat Greek Wedding Franchise
Athens — After many years of embarrassing budget mismanagement leading to a debt of over 450 billion dollars, the Greek government has agreed that the only way out of their economic recession is to remake the 2002 sleeper hit My Big…
Behind The Scenes At The 2012 London Summer Olympics
SCENE: London General Hospital TIME: The 2012 Summer Olympic Games The emergency telephone rings. Nurse: London General. Voice on phone: Ambulance 253 here! We’re bringing in a code 5. Six patients in all.
Romney Gaffe; Seamus Descendant Bites Back
It’s the shaggy dog story that Mitt Romney can’t shake. Hounded by animal rights activists for strapping the family dog to the roof of his car during a 12-hour road trip to Canada, the story has refused to lie down…
Job Opening: Got What it Takes to be al Qaeda’s New Number 2?
Recently, Al Qaeda’s #2 in command was killed in a drone strike. This makes him the fourth Al Qaeda #2 to be taken out in the past 18 months. In the interest of casting a wider net for possible replacement…
Exciting Miracle Weight Loss Cure Placebolax
Introducing Placebolax – from SCAMCO – the same company that brought you the (not-quite-FDA-approved) sleep interrupter device Miracle Snore and Eye Can See, the popular battery-operated do-it-yourself laser eye surgery kit.