Search Results for: republicans
Open Letter to House Republicans; It’s Time to Compromise
Listen guys, you still govern us, so I’m counting on you. No, We The American People are counting on you. We need real reform, and your party is in the position of power that can make that happen, so we…
Republicans Religious Epiphany After Election “God Wants Us to be Bi-Partisan”
Republicans have been almost unanimous in quoting that a Divine inspiration has descended upon them. Apparently this heavenly apparition was bestowed upon their golden leader, John Boehner. Mr. Boehner, his eyes glowing with enlightened envisionment, has come forth upon his…
Republicans Wish Democrats Would Stop Smiling
WASHINGTON – With the 2012 U.S. election now nearly a week old, Republican politicians are beginning to wonder how long it will take for their Democratic rivals to wipe the shit-eating grins off their faces and return to normal. “It…
Republicans Demand NASCAR Observers at Polling Places
GlossyNews.com – TALLADEGA – Republicans in The Deep South are demanding that NASCAR officials be sent to all polling places to ensure a fair election. Talladega Republican Party Chairman Larry “big cheese” Nelson said, “We can’t risk our people not…
Republicans Find God, Win Epic Game of Hide & Seek
Senator Chris Coons’ office has sent out a short brief detailing how the Congressman has finally found God, and put an end to a millennia-long game of hide and seek. Asked to comment about his Earth-shaking discovery, Senator Coons had…
Republicans Crucify Jesus for Offering Free Healthcare
BILOXI – People were shocked when a strange light was seen in the sky yesterday. Many wondered if it was a meteor. However, the light that fell to earth was none other than Jesus Christ himself. The Christian leader landed…
Republicans Vote to Repeal Libya
Washington D.C. – Republican lawmakers today voted to repeal the country of Libya from the world for “causing too much trouble.” House Majority Leader Eric Cantor held up a map, pointed to what he thought was Libya and proposed legislation…
Republicans to Change Symbol from Elephant to Jesus Holding a Shotgun
Washington D.C. – In what many are calling a sign of the Republican Party’s desperation, Republican National Committee chairman Reince Priebus today announced that the long standing symbol of the Republican Party, the elephant, is being replaced by an image…
Republicans Unveil New List of Things to Blame on Obama
Tampa, Florida – Wrapping up their convention, the GOP unveils their augmented strategy to win against the Democrats in November. The old tactic of blaming things on President Obama seemed to have worked out in the Republican Party’s favor, but…
Hey Religious Nuts: Why Don’t You Say Anything About God’s Wrath on the Republicans In Tampa?
HEY, WAIT A MINUTE!!! Where are all the Hellfire and Brimstone preachers at? Where are they when you need them? A hurricane is bearing down on the Republican National Convention and you don’t hear a peep out of them. Are…