Categorized | Politics

Republicans Vote to Repeal Libya

Republicans Vote to Repeal Libya

Washington D.C. – Republican lawmakers today voted to repeal the country of Libya from the world for “causing too much trouble.”

House Majority Leader Eric Cantor held up a map, pointed to what he thought was Libya and proposed legislation to repeal the nation.

Democratic members of the House quickly explained to Cantor that he was actually pointing to the North Pole and that the map was actually a Macy’s Christmas catalog from 1998.

Right: Image appears courtesy of Heather Gillam. Click to enlarge.

The GOP controlled House immediately held a vote and unanimously agreed to the nation’s repeal. Several Republican House members brought out large sheets of construction paper and began drawing out a plan for repealing Libya using crayons and finger paints.

Rep. Cantor held hope that the measure would not die in the Democratic-controlled Senate.

“Our hope is that the Democrats won’t block this legislation. I mean, come on, it’s just Libya. They don’t even have a leader there anymore. They’re so confused there anyway. What’s the big deal? Did I use the word ‘hope?’ Oh crap. Can you delete that from the record? We’re not supposed to use that word.”

When asked for his remarks, Rep. John Boehner stated, “This is….” and then immediately started crying uncontrollably, curled into a fetal position on the House floor, and sucked his thumb so hard it fell off.

Senate Democrats, when asked for comment on the bill, laughed so hard that one of them needed medical attention for “confidence induced psychosis.”

Once treated, a Democrat that asked to remain anonymous because she is Nancy Pelosi said, “Look, I’ve read the actual legislation. All they want to do is cut out the shape of Libya from one of Cantor’s old high school textbook maps and burn it. I say let those poor old bastards have their fun.”

Share

This post was written by

- who has written 18 posts on GlossyNews.com.

Mark Garrison is both a loving husband, a devoted father, and a steadfast rebel when it comes to the word "both." His work has appeared in Opium Magazine, Monkeybicycle, and many other places with interesting names.

.

2 Responses to “Republicans Vote to Repeal Libya”

  1. CLaybob says:

    this is hilarious. i thought i was reading facts, until I considered the source. god i hate eric cantor. well done, mark.

  2. Barb Weir says:

    If causing trouble gets nations repealed, I’m kind of worried for the U.S. Or are we the one that does the repealing?

Trackbacks/Pingbacks


Leave a Reply


We are also looking for a satire editor
and a Clever Photoshop Guru...
Glossy News Fake Commercials!


-- (SEE ALL GlossyNews.com Videos) --



More Great Satire:

Check out links to even more of our friends...
Want to see Your Link Here?



Visit the “Old Version” of our Site

     
Still want more? Find thousands of buried satirical gems in our archives on the old version of Glossy News!

Check This Out!

Our Top Authors (last 30-days)

9 posts
5 posts
2 posts
2 posts
2 posts
1 post
1 post
1 post


All of Our Categories:

Top Stories - Top Stories; Politics - Top Stories; Serious Commentary - Top Stories; World News - Top Stories; Biz News - Top Stories; War Zone | Horoscopes
Entertainment - Entertainment; Celebrity Gossip - Entertainment; Television - Entertainment; Music - Entertainment; Internet Tubes - Entertainment; Books, Newspapers & Misc - Entertainment; Movies
Society - Society; Health - Society; Crime - Society; Travel - Society; Crooked Cops - Society; Education - Society; Strange People - Society; Religionism - Society; Human Interest - Society; Kidz Zone
Science and Technology - Science and Technology; Science - Science and Technology; Technology - Science and Technology; Gadgets & Gizmos - Science and Technology; Environment
Sports - Sports; Scandals - Sports; Athletes - Sports; Events | All the Rest - News in Your Briefs - Making Headlines - Opinion/Editorial