Search Results for: mitt romney
Mitt Romney Admits to Masturbating
GOP Presidential candidate and devout Mormon Mitt Romney admitted today that he ‘experimented’ once with masturbation when he was in college. “It was a stupid youthful experimentation”, Romney explained. “I’m not proud of it, I didn’t ejaculate, I didn’t enjoy…
Big Bird Talks Mitt Romney in Hard Hitting Interview
He’s every kid’s favorite bird. Big Bird has been a staple on American television since 1969. So it was no surprise that many Americans became upset when Mitt Romney made public his plan to fire the icon. We met at…
Top-12 Reasons Mitt Romney Will Win the Election
With the election heating up and the polls wiggling more and more every day (in favor of Barack Obama), we have to look ever more closely at the race. The good news is that, at least according to a couple…
Mitt Romney Can’t Possibly Be That Dumb – Reaction From England
As the election campaign gathers pace, and the Republican Party appear to be exposing their inherent incompetency, a British correspondent expressed utter disbelief that any candidate for the Presidency, without doubt the most influential position in the world, could possibly…
Mitt Romney Vows to Eliminate “The Poverty”
GOP Presidential candidate Mitt Romney announced today that when he is elected he will eliminate poverty by systematically eliminating poor people. “Poor and under-insured elderly people put a tremendous strain on our county’s resources”, Romney stated at a campaign event….
Top 18 Dumbest Quotes from Mitt Romney
We recently ran a few pieces highlighting silly gaffes and statements made by Barack Obama and Joe Biden, so in an effort to remain balanced, we now present some of the dumbest, most alarming statements made by Republican nominee Willard…
Mitt Romney Accepts Monkey on Back
Mitt Romney announced today that he will accept the Republican nomination for President wearing a STAPLES logo stitched to his back. “And no, my friends,” Romney joked to the partisan crowd. “The logo won’t actually be stapled to my back….
Sources Reveal Mitt Romney’s Past Membership in Gangsta Rap Group
The Washington Post has recently reported details from Governor Mitt Romney’s past that may derail the presumptive Republican candidate’s goal of the White House in the 2012 Presidential Election. Quoting a variety of anonymous sources, the Post has reported that…
Mitt Romney Interview Accidentally Ruined by Candor
Recently I had a dream that one of my publications was big enough and safe enough that I could get an interview with Mitt Romney. The thought of someone having enough access and gravitas to actually ask a hard question…
11 New Slogans for the Mitt Romney Campaign
The Romney campaign has been struggling to find their “bumper-sticker” moment, but they’ve been working hard towards that end. What follows is ten of their best new slogans for this 2012 election. Here’s hoping Romney wins, am I right? Top…