Categorized | Politics

Top-12 Reasons Mitt Romney Will Win the Election

Top-12 Reasons Mitt Romney Will Win the Election

With the election heating up and the polls wiggling more and more every day (in favor of Barack Obama), we have to look ever more closely at the race.

The good news is that, at least according to a couple polls, the race is tied, and Mitt Romney could easily pull it out and win this thing. The better news is that, according to all the real polls, Obama is crushing it.

RIGHT: I don’t have an image author credit for this one, but it’s, well, it’s nice. If you’re planning to vote for Mitt Romney, this picture should make you happy. (CLICK PHOTO TO ENLARGE)

But here are some of the top reasons why Mitt Romney could win:

  1. The free-market is always right.
  2. He’s not, how shall I put this delicately, black.
  3. 40-million disenfranchised voters can’t be [omitted]
  4. Obama will become a Mormon if Romney doesn’t win, and we can’t let that happen.
  5. Romney will declare war on telemarketers, but he’ll do it via a telephone campaign.
  6. The temperature will drop drastically in Hell, to roughly that of “freezing”.
  7. His hair just won’t quit, and that means a lot in terms of electoral votes.
  8. There are NO dogs willing to come forward and admit abuse by the hands of Mitt Romney.
  9. Ann Romney says so… and you can’t assail her, she has MS!
  10. Karl Rove has one more big, dirty trick up his sleeve.
  11. Money really can buy elections.
  12. We owe the Chinese and they’re cashing in their chips

This article also had contributions from Barb Weir and P. Beckert.


This post was written by

- who has written 543 posts on

Brian first began peddling his humorous wares with a series of Xerox printed books in fifth grade. Since then he's published over two thousand satire and humor articles, as well as eight stage plays, a 13-episode cable sitcom and three (terrible) screenplays. He is a freelance writer by trade and an expert in the field of viral entertainment marketing. He is the author of many of the biggest hoaxes of recent years, a shameful accomplishment in which he takes exceptional pride.


6 Responses to “Top-12 Reasons Mitt Romney Will Win the Election”

  1. Mike says:

    This is very distasteful to show……. If you get your thrills playing off someone else’s character, then shame on you Mr. White. I am not a Romney supporter, but regardless, this doesn’t need to be portrayed in any way. Think for a second- what if this Romney guy wins and your child sees this pic you have generated, then what?
    Please report the news and not try to be Letterman here……

  2. P. Beckert says:

    I see nothing wrong at all with aspiring to be Letterman. He’s loaded.

  3. Brian K. White says:

    Mike misses the point. Mike doesn’t know how to read.

    Mike, take a quick look around this site and see if you can figure out what you’re missing. I’d tell you but I don’t want to spoil the surprise.

  4. Sheree says:

    Do not make me enlarge that pic! (Shudder).

  5. P. Beckert says:

    It’s the extra woman’s arm with the bracelet that creeps me out, what about you?

  6. Sheree says:

    Looks like Ann’s arm. Maybe she has a thing for the young Ryan?


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