Categorized | Politics, World News

Israeli Nationalist/Hamas Mutual Divestment Plan Goes Surprisingly Harmoniously  

Israeli Nationalist/Hamas Mutual Divestment Plan Goes Surprisingly Harmoniously   

Various centre-right and far-right nationalist parties in Israel, including Eretz Yisrael Shelanu and Yisrael Beiteinu, have decided to respond to the controversial BDS movement by coming up with a divestment project of their own.

From now on, no member of any Israeli party with pronounced nationalistic leanings is permitted to give donations to Hamas, attend Hamas fundraising events, or send their children on educational exchanges to terrorist training camps.

Avigdor Lieberman of Yisrael Beteinu notes:

This has really gone surprisingly well. Boycott, Divestment and Sanction plans of any sort are inevitably very, very hard to pull off! But somehow we’ve managed it! So far as I can tell, not one single member of any of the parties in question have been funding Hamas terror attacks since we started last Sunday! This must be the most successful BDS campaign in history!

Hamas, just this once, are inclined to strongly disagree with Lieberman.

Khaled Mashal rants:

The divestment arms race has only just started! Not one single Hamas member, oh and get this, not one SINGLE PERSON in the whole of Gaza has contributed a single penny to any of those parties! So don’t you think we ourselves are doing every bit as well as the other guys?!

Meanwhile, the UK’s National Union of Students has expressed bemusement at the recent developments.

We were seriously considering adopting a BDS platform, but now there are at least three separate independent BDS movements, all of them radically incompatible! I just don’t understand why Israeli and Middle Eastern politics are so complicated!

Of course, Lieberman and Abbas easily found common ground once again, in a strident response to the NUS’s ‘disingenuous pinko liberal’ stance. Both men shouted in harmonious unison:

There is nothing complicated about it at all! WE are right, and THEY are wrong! It really is as simple as that!


This post was written by

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Conspirator-in-Chief of the Peace Criminals Project: Neocon Surveillance& Satirical-Industrial Complex! Also published on a range of satire sites. Currently co-editing Glossy News (under the webmaster, Brian K. White). Contact me to pitch or submit your satire! David Cameron says I am a #TerroristSympathizer. Islamists say I am an #Islamophobe. New Atheists think I am a #CravenApologistForPrimitiveBronzeAgeSuperstitions. MRAs & Alt-Right think I'm a #MatriarchalCuck. Others say I'm a #StraightMiddleClassWhiteBoy. And still more think I'm a #FuckingPleb. Just another edgy day at the Satirist's office! I am the Mayor of the Zero Fucks Community ;) @w_runnymede (Twitter)


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