Patronizing Miliband, Campbell Reach out to “Stamp-Collecting Community”

Ed Miliband has finally found a way to nail the election in 2015…

Shortly after which, he will be himself will also be nailed up and flogged in the public square by the media every day of mourning and Twitternight of his life.

Still, every Great British PM must follow the Way of the Masters… Read more Patronizing Miliband, Campbell Reach out to “Stamp-Collecting Community”

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Sexual Identity Cr-ISIS

Mosul, Iraq—This week, rebel fighter under the banner of ISIS, began destroyed over 100,000 volumes of rare, historic books.

A month prior, ISIS fighters raided the University of Mosul’s library and burned hundreds of books of cultural significance.

Why the sudden turn from enforcing strict sharia law, to now, burning antique Arabic literature? University of Mosul historian Rahman Al Salami explains, “Butt stuff. Lots and lots of butt stuff.” Read more Sexual Identity Cr-ISIS

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Finally, A New Protest on Red Square… Sort of…

The news came across the wires of a huge protest in Moscow, right on Red Square.

Really??!!!!

Are the Russian masses finally rallying up against the ex-KGB man who has reinvented Czarism in a modern form?
Is the second great Russian revolution finally taking form?

No. False alarm. Go ahead and go back to whatever you were doing. Nothing to see here. No fire. No bodies to see. Just another Putin backed big show of force and false support for his international messing with every other country on earth. Read more Finally, A New Protest on Red Square… Sort of…

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Fappers Rejoice as Aussie Developer Shuts Down Proposed Data Retention Plan

Melbourne born software Developer Mike Pearce has thwarted government plans to impose mandatory data retention for all Australian citizens by fundamentally changing the way the internet works.

Australian PM, Tony Abbott is currently being accused of bullying the opposition and scaring the Australian people into submission with his new data retention plan.

The plan is being fiercely fought by Australia’s newest political superhero-to-the-people, Senator Scott Ludlam. Read more Fappers Rejoice as Aussie Developer Shuts Down Proposed Data Retention Plan

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Homo Sapien Pictographs Prove Homosexuality Is Natural

Paleontologists working in Southern France have discovered pictographs they estimate were placed around 10,000 B.C. The primitive drawings depict what appears to be two Neanderthal males copulating.

Lead scientist Dr. Lance Hollingsworth said, “I usually don’t get involved in politics, but clearly these cave drawing prove that homosexual relationships predate the ten commandments.” Read more Homo Sapien Pictographs Prove Homosexuality Is Natural

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Zombie Apocalypse lasts for 3 minutes

Washington, D.C.- Following an alarming number of calls to the CDC, FBI, and NSA, security analyst have concluded that the zombie apocalypse came and went without any causalities and $0 in property damage.

Current Secretary of Defense, Chuck Hagel, spoke on the matter, “Around 5:03 a.m. eastern standard time, a zombie uprising started near Deer Lick, Kentucky. The uprising promptly ended 3 minutes later, apparently due to the fact that zombies lack muscle tissue.”
Read more Zombie Apocalypse lasts for 3 minutes

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Busted: GlossyNews.com Faked Charlie Hebdo-Style Attack to Cash In on Expanded Readership

“Absolutely despicable!” stated loyal Glossy fan Jason Nimknuts when he found out about it. “I knew they could be low, but I would never have imagined them stooping to this! Dumb bastards!”

After seeing the famed French satire magazine Charlie Hebdo’s sales go into the stratosphere when their new issue came out only two weeks after their office personnel were gunned down by Islamic extremists, the publisher and crew of Glossy News Website, a Seattle based Ruppert Murdochesque media conglomerate, got the bright idea to make their own little tragedy. Read more Busted: GlossyNews.com Faked Charlie Hebdo-Style Attack to Cash In on Expanded Readership

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Kimmy’s Hate Train Still Boarding Passengers

North Korean dictator and renowned chunky monkey Kim Jong Un continues on his world famous crazy train picking up more passengers at every stop.

We’re making a North Korea satire film. Click here to help our fundraising!

Not content with detonating possibly real nuclear devices and bombing the hell out of random waters in the Sea of Japan, Kimmy has expanded his narrow horizons. Read more Kimmy’s Hate Train Still Boarding Passengers

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Nightmares Prompt Kim Jong-un to Take Up Zumba

Apparently, fear of his dead father is resurfacing in a big way and has been keeping N. Korean supreme leader Kim Jong-un up nights for well over a year now.

The leader is said to be suffering from an ongoing bout of the vapors, leaving him feeling puny and out of sorts.

A recurring nightmare finds the North Korean leader face-to-face with his not-so-dead father who is taking the pudgy little tyrant to task for not being such a tyrant after all. Read more Nightmares Prompt Kim Jong-un to Take Up Zumba

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Japanese Encouraged to Get Laid More

Faced with a declining birth rate and an ever growing elderly population, Japanese citizens are being encouraged to have more sex.

“Japanese men and women seemed to have lost interest in sex!” said prominent Japanese legislative leader Seiko Noda. “We need to stimulate the people’s interest in sex before the whole country disappears!”

Noda proposes a government sponsored “get laid now” campaign to stimulate the libido of Japanese citizens. Under the proposal, citizens will be provided with erotic literature, sexy lingerie, lubricating lotions, edible panties, fishnet stocking and bondage equipment such as whips and chains.

“We will not provide condoms or French Ticklers because that would defeat the whole purpose!” Noda explained.

In a recent survey 38% of Japanese men and 39% of Japanese women between the ages of 18 and 34 admit they have never had sex at all.

“I’ve had a couple of blow jobs”, said 28 year old Shinjo Ichikawa. “But I have never put my dick in a vagina”.

Experts claim that Japanese women simply aren’t interested in the tiny penises Japanese men have in relation to white or black men.

“I just like to play with myself”, said 24 year old Akiko Shonokane. “I have a career. I don’t have time for little Japanese penises. And it’s so hard to find a gaijin (foreigner)”.

“We may have to open our doors to foreigners in order to interest more women in sex’, said Prime Minister Shinzo Abe.

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Free Speech Freaks Given New Hope in Ribbing North Korea

Prominent, but still sub-viral site GlossyNews.com has launched a Go Fund Me campaign to create a free-to-dowload video criticizing the regime.

The goal is to create a wicked, biting satirical film criticizing the totalitarian dynastic regime in North Korea.

The film would feature paid actors, paid crew and a tight production schedule. Read more Free Speech Freaks Given New Hope in Ribbing North Korea

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Kim Jong-un: Bring Back Breadsticks Or Die

Washington, D.C. – Just when you thought the United States was safe again following the announcement that Sony Pictures had pulled the controversial movie, The Interview, from theatres, a new threat arrived from North Korean Leader, Kim Jong-un, early Friday morning.

In a short memo to President Obama, Kim Jong-un stated he was pleased the movie will not play in theatres, but was morbidly infuriated to learn that his favorite restaurant chain, the Olive Garden, is extinct and is no longer serving the fresh-baked breadsticks he enjoyed during his last visit. Read more Kim Jong-un: Bring Back Breadsticks Or Die

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Is Cuba the Next Ping Pong Frontier?

As America’s relations with Cuba are bettered in the near future, many professional sports leagues are excited to pounce on the athletic talent in the small country.

Major League Baseball teams are searching for the new Yasiel Puig or Aroldis Chapman to ignite their teams’ fortunes.

Along with baseball, Cuba is known to possess a plethora of skills in the game of ping pong. United States Table Tennis Federation (USTTF) spokesman Louis Rice is optimistic that there is a lot of “untapped potential” on the island.

The sport is adored by the country’s people, with tables popping up all over the country in recent years.

“They [Cubans] really have the best athletic build and mindset for the rigors of table tennis. I know of many proficient players that are already playing in their semi-pro leagues. We will also set up some camps to train the youth and then get them into our farm systems Rice.”

During the embargo on Cuba, many of the country’s best players had to escape the country illegally to another Latin American country before finally making it to America.

The new lack of risk is sure to encourage the Cubans to immigrate to the U.S. and it’s high-paying league.

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Black Friday – The Evil American Plot To Destroy Britain Is A Success

Friday, November 28th 2014 will reign as a black day in British history, black not only for the dark deeds done on that day but also for the foul American import that caused them- BLACK FRIDAY!

Long accustomed to importing all new things American, England has finally introduced an epidemic that is proving to be every bit as bad as when the Black Plague was brought in by ships in the 1500’s. Read more Black Friday – The Evil American Plot To Destroy Britain Is A Success

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ISIS Blows Up U.S. Battleships Maine and Lusitania in the Gulf of Tonkin

WASHINGTON – The Pentagon announced today that the Islamic State (ISIS) has blown up two American battleships, the Maine and the Lusitania in the Gulf of Tonkin.

Brigadier General Lance Boyle stated: “ISIS was very foolhardy in using weapons of mass destruction to blow up two American battleships that were peacefully passing through the Gulf of Tonkin on separate humanitarian missions.” Read more ISIS Blows Up U.S. Battleships Maine and Lusitania in the Gulf of Tonkin

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Kim Jong Takes Un Step Toward Hollywood

TO: My dear subjects

FROM: Your Supreme Leader, Kim Jong-un

I want to apologize for not informing you of my whereabouts for almost six weeks this past fall and causing you undue heartache and concern but, of course, I cannot.

As I am infallible, apology is not an option for me and I must therefore gently chide you, my children, for needlessly worrying about my brief absence. Read more Kim Jong Takes Un Step Toward Hollywood

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