Kim Jong Un Channels Newfound US Ally: “Communist Deaths are Fake News!”

donald trump

Pint-sized potty mouth Korean dictator Kim Jong Un has recently put his new rhetorical skills into practice with a stunning display of historical denialism.

Hosting Pyongyang’s first ever global media press conference, fake bourgeois capitalist news outlet CNN asked him:

Mr Dear Leader, our secret, secret, utterly non-non-non-non-non-non-existent confidential source from the intelligence community says that Communism has somehow managed to (perhaps perfectly unwittingly and inadvertently) end the lives of millions of innocent people. Do you have a comment for us on this important issue!

All of a sudden, lil Kim began to scream:


Trembling and quivering like a leaf, Jim Acosta stammered:

Mr Dear Leader, I just wanted to ask you a question!

Rocket Man continued to rant and rave.

A forlornly tearful Jake Tapper wept:

We just want to ask you a question, Mr Dear Leader: can you please just confirm or deny if Communism has killed millions of people?

Acosta burst into tears and said:

But we just wanted to ask you a question! That’s all! Oh, boo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoooooooooooo!

Kim responded furiously!


What does this mean?

All these stupid KILLINGS… that weren’t real, and NEVER HAPPENED…

The incredulous (and mortally fear-stricken) objections of the reporters led Kim to immediately flip-flop:

No, no, no, I DIDN’T say that…

Yes, no, no, no-yes-no-no-no, well yes, yes they did happen, the killings are real…. but the reporting is fake! FAKE NEWS!

Renownedly-notorious Tankie Salonista Ben Norton responded:

The barrage of unjustified intellectual pedantry over Kim Jong Un’s comments is wholly and utterly predictable.
I mean, when you think about all the utter discursive atrocities being perpetrated day in, day out, by Israel and America, you honestly wonder how people have time to talk about this nonsense. Remember Covfefe? Well, why don’t the capitalist media talk about that one? And what about the Bowling Green Massacre, or Trump’s rampant Roosevelt boom denialism?
Man! All these stupid inbred, cousin loving, toothless, Fox News watching, non-Salon reading, bourgeois billionaire capitalist intellectuals sure are dumb!

Former centrist pseudo-indymedia intellectual Glenn Greenwald shade-threw thusly:

You would have to be a deliberately, wilfully obtuse person not to see the logic of what Kim Jong Un is saying. Only a complete and utter unrepentant Jucheophobe would ever remotely countenance such arrant nonsense.
It is just painfully obvious to anyone with so little as two more or less functioning brain cells to rub together, that there is all the difference in the world between denying the killings of Communism ACTUALLY HAPPENED, versus denying the LEGITIMACY of all this utterly unwarranted reporting of said more or less unfortunate and inexpedient incidents.
Like, how is it possible everyone else in the entire world but ME is too dumb to grasp this stuff?
I mean, this ought to be something any reasonably intelligent five year old can understand.

Rumour has it Kimmie’s next gaffe is going to be something related to ‘alternative economics.’

Some would say that’s already been going on for the past 70 years or so…

But it ain’t gonna be us!

Hm, I wonder why…

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Author: Wallace Runnymede

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