Corbyn Blames “Zionist Media Conspiracy” for “Wholly Unfounded & Groundless Antisemitism Allegations”

Corbyn Blames "Zionist Media Conspiracy" for "Wholly Unfounded & Groundless Antisemitism Allegations"

After being accused a million times of promoting antisemitic and antizionist conspiracy theories, Jeremy Corbyn has decided the best way to fight back against such harsh, unfounded smears is to point out the REAL sinister, shadowy cabal of disloyal parasites behind these recent allegations.

In a spontaneous astroturf mass rally outside the Gregg’s bakery in Kensington, Labour’s best-beloved anti-racist working class hero held forth as follows:

Corbyn Blames "Zionist Media Conspiracy" for "Wholly Unfounded & Groundless Antisemitism Allegations"

But how could I possibly be an antisemite? What about the utterly barbaric persecution of the Rohingya community? Or the absolutely unspeakable treatment of the Xinjiang and Tibetan people by the late capitalist neoliberal deformed worker’s bureaucracy of China? And what about the millions and millions of people who are hated and murdered by capitalism every single year, and the irredeemably corrupt and unprincipled right wing Zionist media doesn’t have a single word to say about it?

What about the time The Sun deliberately lied about all those poor, innocent, unarmed Palestinian civilians who were crushed in Hillsborough, purely because the Zionist stadium architects place zero value on human life, far less on non-Jewish life?

And by the way, has anyone ever heard of the time the right-wing neoliberal Murdoch press said 99% of Muslims support ISIS? Clearly this is a deliberate lie from the dishonest Zionist apologist red-top gutter tabloids. There is simply absolutely no reason whatsoever for all this ridiculous Islamophobic moral panic over the so-called Islamic State, deliberately instigated by the Tory Party, except insofar as to legitimise Zionist imperial interests in the Middle East. I for one will not stand for any kind of brutal, barbaric, genocidal imperialism: so let’s stop legitimising Israel, and let’s stop condemning the anti-imperialist resistance in the Middle East, NO MATTER WHAT FORM IT TAKES!

Corbyn Blames "Zionist Media Conspiracy" for "Wholly Unfounded & Groundless Antisemitism Allegations"

As reticent reporters started timidly gathering around the bakery, Jez started angrily wagging his finger and denouncing them.

Asked about whether he thought there was a genuine antisemitism problem in Labour, Corbyn immediately launched into an unbelievably long-winded and tedious torrent of whataboutery, then finally finishing off by spitting on his £10 000 patent leather shoes and groaning.

Corbyn Blames "Zionist Media Conspiracy" for "Wholly Unfounded & Groundless Antisemitism Allegations"

Oh, if only, if only, if only it weren’t for the degenerate, right-wing neoliberal Zionist Lugenpresse making up deliberately lies in order to advance their true Zionist interests and loyalties, or that is to say, their utterly uncritical, disloyal servitude to the terrorist apartheid Jewish state of Zionist Israel… then nobody would ever be calling me an antisemite, and nobody would be calling my party an antisemitic party either. There is absolutely zero evidence whatsoever of me or any other socialist saying anything remotely antisemitic, in the entire history of the world: and the sooner the wicked, deceptive, highly manipulative and cunning ZIONIST MEDIA SHILLS get that into their thick skulls, the better!

Corbyn Blames "Zionist Media Conspiracy" for "Wholly Unfounded & Groundless Antisemitism Allegations"

 

Corbyn Blames "Zionist Media Conspiracy" for "Wholly Unfounded & Groundless Antisemitism Allegations"

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