Category: Politics
The Nine Things Mitt Romney is Hiding in His Tax Returns
Anne Romney took to the talk shows to defend her husbands historically unprecedented decision not to release his tax returns. “You know, you should really look at where Mitt has led his life, and where he’s been financially,” she said…
Leaked Obama War Room Transcript: Baby, I Need Your Lovin’
The following is a rush transcript of a recording leaked to GlossyNews.com by an anonymous administration source who continues to forswear makeup and insists she will not challenge President Obama’s nomination. Our audio experts verify the tape has not been…
What Does it Mean When an Escort Has a Mitt Romney Special?
A Nevada prostitute has allegedly offered a “Romney Special”, but she hasn’t specified what this might include. We here at Glossy News take politics as seriously as we take prostitution, so we went undercover at several different cathouses to find…
GOP Eyes Watson the Computer as Front-Runner Candidate for 2012 Election
Last month, the nation was introduced to the world’s smartest computer: the IBM Watson. Watson is an example of the incredible strides made in artificial intelligence (A.I.). With four terabytes of storage capacity, including all of Wikipedia. Watson knows the…
Florida Gov. Rick Scott Steps Down Citing Medical Reasons
TALLAHASSEE — Florida Gov. Rick Scott stepped down today as leader of the Sunshine State after confidential reports surfaced, which we will not share. These private, personal, legally protected documents, which are confidential, prove the governor withheld a 2008 diagnosis…
IRS Admits Culpability in Mitt Romney Tax Return Controversy
Rumors are circulating that the IRS is contemplating an audit of Mitt Romney’s tax returns for the years 2002 to present, a full 10 year’s worth of returns. A spokesperson for the IRS claims that Romney’s staunch refusal to provide…
Bloomberg Wins Bloomberg Innovation Challenge
NEW YORK—Months of anticipation from techies and financial experts came to a close on Sunday as the results of the fourth annual Bloomberg Urban Innovation Challenge were announced. Despite the largest pool of contestants in the history of the competition,…
Congress and Senate Forced to Enroll in Hooked on Phonics
Congress has come under intense scrutiny in recent years for not reading the bills they pass. Regarding the recently passed health care bill Nancy Pelosi has gone on record stating “We have to pass the bill so that we can…
Students Rejoice at Permission to Call Professor Obama by First Name
AMERICA—Young people across the country got warm and fuzzy on Friday when Professor Barack Obama signed a class-wide email “Barack.” With the email, students now have unofficial but presumptive license to address Professor Obama by his first name.
Obama Apologizes For Time It’s Taken To Clean Up Bush’s Mess
President blames himself for underestimating extent to which his Republican predecessor managed to f*ck everything up. WASHINGTON – In a conciliatory address to the nation today, President Obama apologized for the amount of time it has taken for him to…