Category: Top Stories
Libyan Nut-Job Enthralls UN Assembly w/ Rambling Yarn
It was meant to be a day of global reconciliation, when the new Kenyan Messiah of the Free World (sic) would miraculously wipe clean the slate of the past eight years of Neo-Colonial Imperialist US hatred and herald an era…
Geithner’s Pie Chart Shows “Increase” (in quotation marks)
Washington, DC — In an amazing, some would say astounding, turn of events in the world, the Treasury pie chart has begun to show increases. Not quite enough to erase the decreases that have plagued our country – nay, the…
Greedshite Bank Bids to Buy All United Kingdom’s Roads
A radical avarice-inspired plan to rake in £100 billion by privatising the UK’s motorway and trunk road networks has been exposed – blowing wide open the criminal details of a series of covert sneaky attempts to corruptly influence ranking members…
Bad Times: Cory’s Curse Kicks in Big Time
Former Republic of the Philistines leader Cory Aquino, Asia’s first female president, died a couple of weeks ago at the age of 176. Aquino had been afflicted with a chronic case of ‘holier-than-thou’ syndrome for decades and been further suffering…
Study Finds Courier Pigeon Out-Performs BT Broadband
BT’s wholly exaggerated 8 Mb/s broadband service promised to unite the world with super-fast data delivery – but across Britain it seems their web connection speed is markedly slower than a humble carrier pigeon.
Palin to Cook eBay Auction $63.5K Fundraiser Dinner
WASILLA, ALASKA — A woman defense contractor in Huntsville, Ala., won the “Dangerous” Dining with Sarah Palin eBay auction — her bid was $63,500. Auction details only allow the winning bidder to bring three friends to the dinner. Palin’s spokeswoman…
France’s Telecom Now Suicide Central
French Telecom workers staged protests on Thursday over a wave of a suicides that union leaders blame on the company’s failure to help staff deal with the stress from restructuring (read mass firings, redundancies and lateral – more at descending…
Bathroom Reading At Work, Man Sets Own Record
Chicago – Looking for some peace and quiet to catch up on your reading? Try the bathroom at work. That’s right. Scott Edmunds (Not his real name), an accountant for an unnamed accounting firm in Chicago, recently read the entire…
Milband the Millipede Makes Faux Pas 1,782
Foreign Secretary David Millipede once again stuck his foot ankle deep in the brown smelly stuff yesterday by publicly declaring that there were circumstances in which terrorism was justifiable.
Harrods Bans Last of the Mohicans, Presumably on Purpose
A woman whose hair was cut in a Mohican style and dyed incandescent vomit green to raise money for the charity ‘Brain Dead’ was refused entry to Harrods in Shitesbridge because she breached the store’s regulations banning both Cowboys and…