Category: Top Stories
CNN President Throws Tantrum After Wasting Millions on Bogus Tsunami Coverage
HILO, HI (GlossyNews) — When civil defense sirens roused Hawaiians from sleep on Saturday morning, the threat of a potentially destructive tsunami was on its way. In an impressive response, Hawaii’s scientists, government officials, first-responders and citizens showed exemplary calm…
Succession and Secession Causing Palin Major Confusion
HOUSTON, TX — Sarah Palin, speaking a few weeks ago at a rally for Rick Perry, referred to news about Texans wanting to secede from the union by saying, “They got that wrong. Texas today, I don’t think they’re seceding,…
Dejected Dubya Shunned and Defriended by Former Cabinet
CRAWFORD, TX (GlossyNews) — Family members say former U.S. President George W. Bush, now bereft of around-the-clock advisors, is having trouble coping with retirement. According to insiders, without his daily briefings Bush is often stumped by life in the real…
Discount Abortion Coupons Threaten to Sink Health Care Bill
Washington D. C. (GlossyNews) — President Barack Obama’s purposed Health Care overhaul has encountered a new series of setbacks, after both Democrats and Republicans introduced additional provisions sure to tie the bill up in debate for some time to come.
Real Estate Developer Creating Island Paradise from Garbage
PACIFIC OCEAN, 135° to 155°W (GlossyNews) — Entrepreneurs worldwide are being lured by the siren call of opportunity rising from the Pacific. The middle of the Pacific Ocean, that is. The multinational realty conglomerate, Glutton Realty, has purchased the vortex…
Supreme Court Rules Constitution Unconstitutional
Washington, D.C. (GlossyNews) — What began as a commemorative event to honor the exhibition of an original copy of the United States Constitution at the new Capitol Visitor Center, quickly escalated to an impromptu ruling by the Supreme Court that…
Dairy Apologizes for “Milf” Misunderstanding
CITY OF INDUSTRY, CA (GlossyNews) — Toward the end of World War II in 1945, the Stueve family of California founded Alta Dena Dairy. Throughout the 1950s, it earned a reputation as one of the most innovative farms with its…
President Obama Set to Renew Inaugural Vow
WASHINGTON, D.C. – In an effort to revive his flagging presidency, Barack Obama plans to renew his oath of office in a special bipartisan ceremony to be held at the Washington Monument early this spring. Falling somewhere between a full-blown…
Pot Growers Hire PR Firm to Develop Marijuana Marketing Plan
Los Angeles, CA – “The times, they are a changin’, again,” remarked Henry “Pops” Champion to a group of medical marijuana clinic owners and pot growers who all agree that it is time to finally pull out all the stops…
Sarah Palin Is a Woman for All Seasons
Sarah Palin has been called many things: touchstone, villain, heroine, MILF, you name it. What cannot be denied, however, is the fact that Palin is a towering public figure—the sort of lightning rod that people are willing to dance with…