Category: Top Stories
God Rejects Billionaires’ Joint Bid To Buy Earth
ALBUQUERQUE, NM (GlossyNews) — God Almighty, sole owner and creator of the earth, has categorically denied a joint bid by Carlos Slim Helu, Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, Mukesh Ambani, Lakshmi Mittal and other billionaire club members to buy the planet.
Anti-Obama ‘Satire’ Written by Zombies?
Much to the dismay of intelligent people the world over, anti-Obama satirists have become robotic, even predictable, running the same treadmill every day in an effort to bring him down. Their constant decrying of the President, no matter what he…
Anti-Washington Sentiment Rampant in Washington
WASHINGTON DC (GlossyNews) – In a relentless and seemingly oxymoronic trend, more and more politicians are campaigning – successfully – on a platform of distrust of government officials. Various party primaries held in several states have shown a tendency for…
GOP Opposes Jesus’ 2012 Presidential Campaign
KANSAS CITY, MO (GlossyNews) — Jesus Christ announced today that he is throwing his halo in the ring as a contender for the 2012 presidential race. Rather than commencing with the long-awaited Second Coming, the Big Three decided that He…
U.S. Auctions States to Pay Off Mounting Deficit
WASHINGTON, D.C. (GlossyNews) — The national debt in the United States has reached a record $10 trillion, with the deficit continuing to mount as efforts to stimulate the economy out of recession grow. To pay off this enormous amount, the…
Ethics Committee Investigation Finds Rep. Eric Massa “Icky”
NEW YORK, NY (GlossyNews) — Former New York Representative Eric Massa admitted to groping male staff members, but claims that he never behaved in a sexually inappropriate manner. Massa, age 50, went a step further and told reporters that he…
French Destroyer Surrenders to Somali Pirates
Paris (GlossyNews) — The French Ministry of Defense this morning announced that a French Navy destroyer, the FS Ouragan (Hurricane), surrendered to Somali pirates after a small outboard motor powered speed boat came alongside and fired a pistol towards the…
Old Man Potter Saves Bedford Falls from Subprime Lender, Bailey
BEDFORD FALLS, IN (GlossyNews) — Five more financial institutions were closed this week by federal regulators, bringing the total number of U.S. failed banks this year to 140, the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation said. OneWest Bank was the first casualty…
Chileans Worried They Won’t Get as Much Attention as Haiti
“In the news, they said the quake might have moved the earth a bit form its axis thus affecting the length of day. I hate it when that happens,” said a Chilean beach goer.
Dispute Over Persian Gulf Naming Rights Leads to Name Calling
TEHRAN, Iran (GlossyNews) — Airlines refusing to call the waterway between Iran and the Arabian peninsula the ‘Persian Gulf’ will be banned from Iranian airspace, the transport minister told local media. The warning was directed toward air carriers in neighboring…