Category: Strange People
Local Hipster Unsure if 20 is Too Many Bracelets
Jason Just-Jason-Guy comes to this unmarked, semi-private club at least four nights a week to hear bands you’ve never heard of interpreting songs you woulnd’t get, but he wonders if he looks right. “I put on some bracelets,” explains Jason,…
Kid Goes Cross-Eyed, Face Gets Stuck That Way
DERRY, NH—Despite repeated warnings from his parents, an area boy kept going cross-eyed, and now his face is stuck that way. “We warned him,” stated Sheryl Mackey, the mother of the now handicapped-looking child. “We told him if he kept…
NRA Head Wayne LaPierre As A Child Was A Real Monster
A recent biography of NRA Fuhrer Wayne LaPierre shows light on his character that reveals why he is so rabid on the topic of guns and their control. The new book entitled ‘LaPierre- Assault Mouth’, contains the following passages: RIGHT:…
Morbidly Obese Man’s Wish to Crowd Surf Ends Disatrilariously
Jacob “Don’t Use My Last Name” Wilberson of Pocatello, Idaho, has had one dream since watching grunge videos in the 90s; to crowd surf. It came to fruition this week as it also came crashing down with as many newtons…
How Many Ways Will You Take Shots/Shoots in New Orleans (comic)
We’ve all been in party situations, even if we haven’t been in unbridled places like Matazlan, Cabo or Ibiza for Spring Break. No matter, you likely know the value of a shot, even if it is second hand. This is…
Mysterious Explosions Rock Goodsprings
Two days ago, the people of the sleepy town of Goodsprings, who had successfully fought off a group of Powder Gangers only some days before, experienced a series of gas explosions which levelled most of the inhabited buildings. The mysterious…
Chubby SouthWest Passenger Buys 2nd Seat, Denied 2nd Meal
Davis “Name withheld” Johnnson, or as we’ll anonymously call him, “Davis” has been a frequent business flier on SouthWest since the internet startup he’s employed with boomed in 2001. Normally he buys two seats and gets two meals. “Hey, if…
Woman Thinking Ahead 49 Years Names Newborn Son “Murray”
LANSING, MICH — Area Woman Marcy Keller proudly announced this morning the birth of her healthy, 9 lb., 3 oz. baby boy who, in thinking ahead 49 years into his future, she named “Murray.” Keller admits that the move to…
Alcoholism and Mommy Issues Meet in the Crosshairs (comic)
If you’ve ever had the opportunity to tele-commute, you surely know the joys of being drunk at work. Today, our resident cartoonist Brian K. White takes it to a new level by adding it to a whole ridiculous layer of…
Chick-a-Day Offers “Renewable” Baby Pets
Want to get your daughter an adorable baby chick or bunny, but worry about what will happen when it’s no longer cute? This Connecticut company has the answer; just get a new one every week. Emma Stearner turned eight on…