Category: Religionism
Pope Benedict XVI Declares War on Wet Dreams
VATICAN CITY – Pope Benedict XVI, who threatened condom users in Africa with excommunication last year, is now taking aim on wet dreams. In an encyclical entitled God Owns the Night the supreme pontiff warned Catholics that they “cannot seek…
Virgin Mary Image Appears in Mex Meth Lab
Unconfirmed reports out of Mexico are claiming that a stain on a bench in a meth lab located in the small town of Arre Pentido bears a striking resemblance to the Virgin Mary. Villagers from all around have flocked to…
Pope Declares God Not Dead, Only on Vacation
Speaking ex cathedra from the Vatican today, Pope Benedict XVI, in response to the many rumors that God (aka The Almighty, Yahweh, Allah, Bhagwan, etc.) is dead, attempted to clarify the Global situation and put the rumors to rest once…
Devil Sues Pat Robertson for Breach of Contract
A lawsuit filed by the devil in a Virginia district court claims that Pat Robertson is the party with an actual contractual relationship with Satan. Virginia Beach – The devil filed a lawsuit in the Virginia Beach district court on…
Dick Cheney Tapped to Fill Retiring Satan’s Seat
In a surprise move Sunday, Satan, the Prince of Darkness, announced his retirement citing that after thousands of years of initiating pestilence, wars, catastrophes and general mayhem, he was ready for a break. “The job wears you down.” the Great…
Special Ring of Hell Created for CEOs
God Almighty in close association with Satan has created a special hell for CEO’s and other business leaders who have helped to create the present world-wide financial meltdown (it seems Satan himself couldn’t stomach the gall of these money-engorged maggots…
Mark of the Beast “666” Encoded on Holiday Gift Cards
A record number of Christians have been flooding their local Wal-Mart stores and asking for replacements for the gift cards they received for Christmas due to the fact that they claim the mark of the beast “666” has been encoded…
Was Jesus a British Citizen?
If one is to believe the latest Gospel being proclaimed from on high by Scottish academic and archaeologist Reverend ‘Gorbals Jack’ McTwattie, Jesus Christ came to Britain to further his education and help out his old pikey Uncle – Joseph…
Oral Roberts Moves to Heaven in 3-Way Yankees/Phillies Trade
Tulsa — Granville Oral Roberts was traded to heaven in a reported three-way deal with the New York Yankees and the Philadelphia Phillies, one of whom reportedly stated after the World Series, “I’d sell my soul to play for the…
Big Brother Targets Kindergarten Radicals
The UK’s Big Brother think tanks at Chatham House and the Tavistock Institute have now – in their superior wisdom – ordained nursery-age children should be monitored for signs of Pavlovian brainwashing by Islamist extremists – according to a leaked…