Category: Society
Twelve Days of Christmas — The Ghost of Christmas Present
On the Twelfth Day of Christmas my true love sent to me Twelve court subpoenas, Eleven texts saying ‘ph*ck you’, Ten bailiffs with repossession orders, Nine blokes to cut the gas off, Eight maids with paternity claims, Seven photos of…
Michigan Bigfoot Sightings On the Rise
Mt. Clemens, MI – With the cold weather approaching, there have been quite a few Bigfoot sightings in the Mt. Clemens area, the most recent occurring last Sunday behind the local Buffalo Wild Wings Grill and Bar out on 15…
Khymer Henchman Claims Genocide ‘Hard Work’, Demands Freedom
Former Khmer Rouge prison chief Douche Bagg today shocked the UN-funded war crimes tribunal by demanding to be released on the final day of his trial for crimes against humanity, shoplifting and double parking in a restricted zone. The UN’s…
Modern Day Pilgrims Live off the Landfill
The first annual general meeting of the self-styled Freegan’s Society was held this weekend amid the sprawling sand dunes at Scroungeford-on-Sea, culminating in a four-course banquet prepared from waste food that the local garbage tip’s rats and seagulls had disdained…
Ask Hank – Sweatin’ With the Oldies
Dear Hank, I’m an 87 year old widower. I’ve just been told I’m terminally ill, with only six months left. I would like to party with 20-year-old blonde hardbodies in the time I have left, but there aren’t any in…
Sippin’ Whiskey – Okay – but Sippin’ Beer?
A controversial Scottish brewery has launched what it described as the world’s strongest beer – with a 32% alcohol content. Tactical Nuclear Penguin – with a radioactive half-life of several centuries – has been unveiled by SpewDog of Twatborough.
In True American Form, Hawaii Renamed “Bob Islands”
In a tradition that dates back to the time of the first white European navigators, the federal government, composed mostly of old white men, will change the name of the Hawaiian islands to something more Aryan- they will be renamed…
New EUSSR Questionnaire – for Five-Year-Olds
The latest Kafkaesque directive to be launched by the Brussels-based E-USSR is a super-intrusive questionnaire to be completed by the parents of 5-year old children who are ready to start school. The dystopic European Bully Boy state’s interrogation sheet contains…
Devout Jewish Fan Boys Prepare for 19th Annual Yarmulk-Con
New York, NY — Beginning next week, scores of religiously fervent Jewish males will descend upon the Jacob Javits Center to participate in the highly anticipated 19th annual Yarmulk-Con. The registered attendees have spent months on the Internet generating buzz…
Stick Figure Drawing Leads Police Straight to Flat, Featureless Killer
A photo-fit identity drawing scribbled down on the back of a whorehouse bar menu by Candida Putata, the sole witness to the murder of Jiggy Moronito, a taxi driver in Santa Cruz, Bolivia, has helped homicide detectives to apprehend six…