New EUSSR Questionnaire – for Five-Year-Olds

The latest Kafkaesque directive to be launched by the Brussels-based E-USSR is a super-intrusive questionnaire to be completed by the parents of 5-year old children who are ready to start school.

The dystopic European Bully Boy state’s interrogation sheet contains no less than an 83-point survey of autocratic snooping – failure to complete which might well see your kids snatched under the State’s totalitarian ‘Protective Child Care and Custody’ programme – and your sad arse tossed into one of their all-new ‘Cough n Snuff’ gulags freshly built to the US Camp FEMA blueprint standards – in the Ukraine.

The 83-point questionnaire is constructed to probe the most personal and intimate details of not only a child’s but also the parent’s lives.

The ‘snoop’ form delves stealthily into whether their children tell lies or bully others, if they steal at home or from shops, have fantasies about working in an extraordinary rendition prison, masturbate while playing the Modern Warfare video game on X-Box, set fire to cats or other furry pet animals, enjoy cold showers, and tittle-tattle on their neighbours – or friends – if they have any.

Many of the questions are considered by psychologists critical of the form’s composition to be of a definite Jungian nature – with many aspects of Pavlovian theory standing out alike a sore thumb – and the entire form comprising a selection process to sort the passive wheat from the sadistic chaff.

To separate the half-wits from the fuckwits and the budding local Anti-Christs and isolate those likely born of parents who have been swimming too long at the shallow end of the gene pool – while pinpointing kiddies likely to respond to NLP brainwashing and become New World Order enforcers that have as much empathy for their fellow man as a leopard seal has for a mackerel.

Parents too are questioned over whether they have any friends or are social pariahs and outcasts – plus if they ever went to school themselves – or just played with the other kids that did.

The form further delves into family routines, questioning whether they eat chew n spew takeaways every night and if the children actually know what fruits and vegetables are.

This information will be held indefinitely on the Tavistock Institute and Common Purpose databases for the use of social engineering. Planners want new forms submitted each year to build up a detailed picture of the family and their children’s development – with the kids themselves filling in questionnaires as soon as they learn to read and write – and can articulate their damning opinions of their own parents.

While the cover story persists in the statement that the aim of the questionnaires is to ‘enhance children’s life chances’ critics are adamant the entire Orwellian scheme manifests as an unprecedented intrusion into family life and the growth of a major new state hum-int database.

One caustic critic of the E-USSR Federation super state, Sir Erwin Bogbrush, the author of the critically-acclaimed iconoclastic biography ‘The Life & Times of a Soft-Boiled Egg’, told a reporter from the Fascist Gazette that “It’s all part and parcel of the old Hegelian Dialectic being applied : Problem – Reaction – Solution.”

“The four major collective forces are Race, Religion, Family and Nation. These are the four pillars of our human identity – and that’s what they are out to destroy with their cross-culture pollution being implemented through lax immigration policies and social integration.”

“It’s all going the way the elitist Club of Rome planned for their genocidal eugenics-fixated depopulation selection policy – keep the sadists who’ll follow orders and snuff the free-thinking dissident types who question a government’s motives.”

“Thus you’ll end up with Randall the Vandal, Hooligan Harry, Delinquent Doug and Asbo Annie running the State’s security mechanism from their Scally Alley urban fortresses while the likes of Peter Pan and Wendy Darling go the way of the Dodo – via the next version of Auschwitz’s Birkenau ‘vemichtungslager’ extermination camps.”

“This questionnaire will simply be an additional tool to ensure the E-USSR Shamocracy’s strom troopers target the right genetic mutants and domestic terrorist types for concentration camp selection now they’ve completed mapping the human genome – and will further encourage schools to earn some nice ‘retirement’ pennies for themselves by selling on the kiddie’s info’ and piccies to credit card companies – or foreign paedophile groups.”

The E-USSR’s ‘Protective Child Care and Custody’ programme now being enforced since the dodgy ratification of the Treaty of Lisbon is simply an emerging tentacle of the Regulation of Investigatory Powers Act, which received ‘Royal Assent’ (no less) in July of 2000, a year prior to the Zionist false flag attacks on 9/11.

According to Enid Pustule, a founding member of the Chronic Psoriasis Society and official spokeswoman for the social engineering cabal Common Purpose – while there is – as of yet – no legal compulsion to fill in the School Entry Wellbeing Review questionnaire, parents who do not are likely to be visited by Civil Enforcement Officials and have their legs broken.

Author: Rusty

Rusty's Skewed News Views are spoof publications, fired by the ironies of human nature and tempered with elements of satire and parody, and should not, therefore, be taken too seriously. These are inspired by traveling around the Earth more times than Skylab and composed while observing the inherent idiocies of Mankind. Thus lawyers be duly advised : All libel writs issued on behalf of offended humourless ego's and / or those blighted by unqualified arrogance herein lampooned may be addressed to : Rusty the Boddington's Badger, Igloo 27, Pasquinade Gardens, Penguin Parade, Ross Ice Shelf, Antarctica - or via

3 thoughts on “New EUSSR Questionnaire – for Five-Year-Olds

  1. Ah, that’s funny.

    Hmm, now that I think of it, the Fort Hood killer did everything but wear a sweatshirt with a “Jihadist Killer” logo on it and nobody tumbled to him.

    OK, for the race question I’ll put “Albino”; on ethnicity I’ll enter Romulan; I’ll include my neutered cat in the “Who’s living with you” section, and for the question about its sex, I’ll write “not applicable.”

  2. Probably one hell of a lot.
    Here’s an example of the true efficiency of the US bureaucracy’s peripheral vision.
    Many years ago, long before 9/11, Brit’ citizens wising to visit the States on business, or as tourists, had to complete a voluminous application form for a visa then post it off to your embassy in Grosvenor Square.
    Gilbert Harding, a renown grumpy old BBC broadcasting git and classic English snob, was filling in his application form and getting more and more pissed off with the asinine and also personally-intrusive questions when he came to “Is any part of your trip intended to undermine or overthrow the established goverment of the United States?” – to which he duly commented in exasperation: “Sole purpose of visit.”
    Old Gilbert had his visa issued – no questions asked.
    Hence, does that give you any ideas for what you might be able to get away with on your census form.

  3. Good one, Rusty.

    Our census is coming up in the States, and I’m trying to figure out how much incorrect information I can put down without risking ten years in jail.

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