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Pat Robertson: Gay Atheists are the Shocktroops of Iran

Pat Robertson: Gay Atheists are the Shocktroops of Iran

Pat Robertson is concerned at the mortal peril certain “bad folks” pose to people in the USA, and just this once, he’s not been shy to get to the root of the problem.

Now, listen carefully, my dear friends. If we are going to let all these, you know, these hooomoseeexual atheiiists, you know, if we tolerate them, let them work in our public facilities and business corporations….

Well, you’ve probably heard it before, but I’m gonna tell you, because it’s the truth, and it bears repeating. Continue Reading

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Posted in Religionism, Television0 Comments

NASA Pluto Probe Discovers Oddly Familiar Tabloid

NASA Pluto Probe Discovers Oddly Familiar Tabloid

Andromeda President: I don’t mind a few Milky Way types coming here the odd time, within reason, but they should bloody well accept the way we do things here!!!

Tearful Plutonian claims: My grandchildren are afraid of Neptunians who speak in senses they can’t understand!!! Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Human Interest0 Comments

Chicago Finally Solves Its Deficit By Charging Tax On Corruption

Chicago Finally Solves Its Deficit By Charging Tax On Corruption

The recent tax Chicago levied on streaming online shows from organizations such as Netflix and Hulu has proved hugely unpopular and unprofitable even for the town famous for taxing everything possible and then having the money disappear into a great black hole in its labyrinthine governmental abyss. Continue Reading

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Posted in Crime0 Comments

Brewer Slams ‘Racist Asian Governments’ on ‘Eurocentric Curriculum’ Bans (2/2)

Brewer Slams ‘Racist Asian Governments’ on ‘Eurocentric Curriculum’ Bans (2/2)

So, why was Jan Brewer displeased that Myanmar, Saudi Arabia and North Korea have recently banned ‘divisive and Eurocentric curricula?’

FFS! This is sheer anti-white hatred! Now, you may use whatever words you wish, young man!

… Oh wait, a girl? Is that the girl who is actually called Kim?

Oh, she’s a man? Did she get a…

Well, why doesn’t that surprise me! They’re not exactly a leading Christian nation, are they? Nothing would surprise me less! Continue Reading

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Posted in Education, Politics0 Comments

Brewer Slams ‘Racist Asian Governments’ on ‘Eurocentric Curriculum’ Bans (1/2)

Brewer Slams ‘Racist Asian Governments’ on ‘Eurocentric Curriculum’ Bans (1/2)

Myanmar, Saudi Arabia and North Korea have finally stated that ‘decadent Western capitalist/kafr/woman’ (sic) Jan Brewer of Arizona might be on to something.

Yes, they have recently passed draconian laws to prevent ‘divisive’ university studies.

Myanmar will not allow any university courses, individuals or families to exist that are Eurocentric in character.

So there will be no more even remotely nuanced accounts or critiques of Western historiography of Myanmar… Continue Reading

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Posted in Education, Politics0 Comments

The Great Flâneur Massacre: Novella Excerpt 2. Stomping on Stamp.

The Great Flâneur Massacre: Novella Excerpt 2. Stomping on Stamp.

STAMFORD

No I swear sis, I’m literally not looking down on you!

Well, not in that way.

Well, nor in the other sense.

I mean, never mind all those booky-kooky fine details, mate. What I’m trying to say is, you know, you’re surprisingly tall for one of your type.

But maybe need to dress a bit classier, yeah? You’re a bit of a mainstream girl in those bloody jeans. Get something a bit more local, less mainstream straight-vanilla-globalistic-ish-subservient, like.

Know what I mean, more ‘you.’ More authentically Tibetanist, right? Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Top Stories0 Comments

The Great Flâneur Massacre: Novella Excerpt 1. Such a Song and Dance!

The Great Flâneur Massacre: Novella Excerpt 1. Such a Song and Dance!

This is the first of two samples from my novella ‘The Great Flâneur Massacre.’

At the rather pompous academic conference which is the centrepiece of this novella in dramatic format, Stamford Rhodes (Stamp) has just presented a patronizing paper…

Where he makes clear his achingly noble desire to save Tibetans from themselves.

The very idea that not all Tibetans may agree with his criticisms of China just blows his mind! Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Human Interest0 Comments

Jehovah Flip-Flops on Smiting Blood Transfusion Patients (3/3)

Jehovah Flip-Flops on Smiting Blood Transfusion Patients (3/3)

Here are the rest of the commandments the Watchtower is graciously bestowing on the followers of Jehovah…

In order to facilitate any relatively ethical, accountable and non-abusive uses of the generally satanic and perniciously demonic spiritual technology known as “blood transfusions.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Religionism0 Comments

Hey! Grab Them Cuban Guys! I Need My Car Fixed!

Hey! Grab Them Cuban Guys! I Need My Car Fixed!

Now that Cuba and the United States are starting to talk to each other again, this could be the start of a beautiful relationship Humphrey Bogart- Claude Rains style. We got the money, they got the raw talent. I’m talking cars here.

Because of the 1960’s trade embargo Cuba has been cut off from the great world of American automobiles (that is- great to them, not to the rest of the world. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Society0 Comments

Jehovah Flip-Flops on Smiting Blood Transfusion Patients (2/3)

Jehovah Flip-Flops on Smiting Blood Transfusion Patients (2/3)

Last time:

OOF! Well, that was a nice Godly-Gish-sermon to tire you out. Now that you’re on the ropes, I’ll rush through the more embarrassing bit.

But what could it possibly be?

(Psst! Cryptic and mysteriously recondite hint… READ THE DAMN TITLE!).

Ha! Nope! You didn’t just hear me say I was playing mind games. It was just the Devil whispering in your ear. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Religionism0 Comments

The case against marriage equality for left-handed people

The case against marriage equality for left-handed people

It’s time patriotic, flag-waving Americans stand up for our God-given right to oppose any minority group that makes us feel slightly uncomfortable.

The time is now to raise arms – and legs – against the moral decay of this once great land. Join me in opposing the misguided policy of marriage equality for left-handed people. Continue Reading

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Posted in Opinon/Editorial, Society1 Comment

Jehovah Flip-Flops on Smiting Blood Transfusion Patients (1/3)

Jehovah Flip-Flops on Smiting Blood Transfusion Patients (1/3)

Well, it only took me a day to beat The Respect Police! 😛

And to publish my astonishing revelation of the boundless grace, mercy and abhorrently irrational bullshit…

That Lord Jehovah (of Watchtower celebrity fame and stardom) dispenses to his most achingly subservient and submissive followers.

So, this is the latest (not-so-)private revelation from the Lord that Jehovah has granted unto his best buddies (abject servants) among the Witnesses. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Religionism0 Comments

Texas GOP Passes Bill Forcing Men to Have Pre-Vasectomy Sonograms

Texas GOP Passes Bill Forcing Men to Have Pre-Vasectomy Sonograms

In a surprising upset for gender equality groups, the Texas GOP passed a bill requiring men to have sonograms prior to receiving vasectomies.

This includes a three-day waiting period before going through with this “unGodly” procedure of “tearing asunder what God joined together [at birth,]” specifically one’s nutsack, according to head of the Texas GOP Chief Biblical Scholar Chick “Goober” Pease. Continue Reading

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Posted in Health, Religionism0 Comments

Sinister Spooks Threaten GlossyNews re: Forthcoming Jehovah Smackdown

Sinister Spooks Threaten GlossyNews re: Forthcoming Jehovah Smackdown

Wallace Runnymede has been threatened with legal action by malign and powerful West Coast bureaucratic forces that he is strictly forbidden to name…

On account of his anticipated smackdown on the Jehovah’s Witnesses sect.

GlossyNews? Well, that as well.

Still, as Wallace Runnymede delights in pissing all over third rails, this is not such a problem for him.

More importantly, notable krap-aid-cult and edgy fringe spiritual-dogmatising-club, Jehovah’s Witnesses, has finally given permission for children to get blood transfusions. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Religionism0 Comments

God Issues Defamation & Copyright Cease and Desist

God Issues Defamation & Copyright Cease and Desist

One tragic “unintended consequence” of the DMCA is that it has resulted in a currently unverified premature leak of a document God was planning to reveal to the world.

Or at least to those who had ears to hear.

I can’t say for sure if the following transcript is for real.

Still, I guess this is one of those things. You either believe it or you don’t.

Listen, everybody. Now, I’m a pretty nice person. I mean, there’s no one in this world who is more loving and generous than me! Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Religionism0 Comments

Exclusive Interview w/ John Hance, Incredible Teller of Big Whoppers at The Grand Canyon

Exclusive Interview w/ John Hance, Incredible Teller of Big Whoppers at The Grand Canyon

You’ve heard the tales of Paul Bunyan.
You know the exploits of Pecos Bill.
Maybe you’ve heard of the German Baron Munchhausen.
But have you ever heard the legend of John Hance? You will now:

Glossy News has succeeded in gaining an interview with one of the greats of Grand Canyon history- the unforgettable John Hance, the first white man to live at the Grand Canyon and famous story teller from the late 1800’s. Continue Reading

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Posted in Strange People, Travel0 Comments

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