Who Are The Real Victims of a Female Meritocracy? (1/3)

Dahomey, Africa 1842

The first one appeared in the village; stuck dead center in the communal fire pit, looking frightened and lonely.

Staring down at the ground through droopy eyes, it looked as if it was afraid of falling over.

The villagers approached it with caution.

No one recognized the head-on-a-stick.

And no one knew where it came from or how it got there.

Showing up uninvited and unwelcome, the holy man approached the head-on-a-stick cautiously and waved his bent staff in the air.

The same one he used to channel information down from the unseen and unheard to the frequently-not-listening.

But as the self-anointed representative of the invisible, mute and ineffective, it was his job to interpret things such as this; and he quickly pronounced it a sign of dire spiritual consequence.

In his bailiwick most things had to be; otherwise he wouldn’t have anything to do.

He hopped around the head-on-the-stick on one leg.

First forwards then backwards.

He poked the thing in each of its eyes with his holy staff, tugged at its ears and smacked it on the top of its head a few times.

After a moment’s consideration he loudly proclaimed the head-on-the-stick to be a warning that something very bad was about to happen.

His exhortations to leave the village were met with eye rolls and condescending chuckles.

The chief had been watching and listening from the back of the crowd.

He liked the old guy, but knew him to be a bit off the log.

He’d told him time and again that vagueness was the key.

And to always leave himself an “out” when making spiritual predictions.

The holy man hadn’t listened, and continued on with unerring inaccuracy.

His credibility had been used up long ago.

The only ritual the villagers participated in nowadays was the Saturday night dance when they got to dress up in dead animal parts and sashay around the fire pit.

That was just good fun.

“If they want us to leave so badly why don’t they just write SCRAM in the dirt and leave it at that?”

The question shouted from the crowd deflated the holy man.

His shoulders stooped, and his magic stick dropped to his side.

He began to scratch out sad little doodles in the dirt.

Unanswerable questions used to be the holy man’s bread and butter.

It was the one thing that kept him from having to work out in the hot sun all day; or risk his neck in the bush, sneaking up on dinner.

The chief, feeling he needed to move things along, asked the group, “Well if we don’t really know for sure, why take the chance?”

He was a believer in the separation of church and state, but helping out the other side now and again wouldn’t do much harm.

The response was lukewarm at best.

Since his job was the well being of the tribe, he ordered the villagers to vamoose.

He tried to soften the directive by assuring them it would only be for a little while.

The evacuation was halfhearted and disorderly, with lots of grumbling and head shaking.

They were disappointed the chief took the holy man’s side in all of this silliness, but dutifully grabbed whatever they could carry and meandered off…

Unsure of where they were going to go, while awaiting the all clear.

After a week or so nothing bad happened and everybody straggled back happy to be home again.

The chief sent his wife on a hard day’s hike to take the head-on-the stick as far away as possible and bury it.

She tugged the thing off its perch by the hair and slowly trudged off dragging the head in the dirt behind her.

She gave her husband a dirty look as she shuffled by, but he looked the other way pretending he hadn’t noticed.

He learned long ago it was impossible to keep her happy.

When the second head-on-a-stick showed up a few days later, it didn’t have the same jounce as the first one.

The holy man tried to whip up the same disquietude he’d enjoyed with the first head-on-a-stick.

Everyone went about their business and ignored his pleas.

But this time things really did go bad, and the holy man didn’t bother to hide his delight.


A Brief Satirical History of ‘Racism is Prejudice Plus Power’

The prejudice plus power thesis says that if you don’t belong to a racially privileged group, you can’t be racist.
Racism, by definition, is something only the racially privileged are capable of.
Racism by under-privileged groups doesn’t count, because it isn’t real racism.
(See my Wallace Runnymede novel ‘The Great Flaneur Narrative’ for a humorous send-off of this notion, among other satirical delights).
It seems, however, that this is nothing new under the sun. Read more A Brief Satirical History of ‘Racism is Prejudice Plus Power’


Cheney’s Hoover Memorial Lecture: ‘We Must Stand Firm Against Paranoid Belligerent Autocrats of Pyongyang’ (1/2)

Dick Cheney has recently conducted the annual Edgar J. Hoover Memorial Lecture at the Hoover Institute; a notable think tank renowned, among other things, for its publications on foreign policy.

Cheney’s speech had a rather mixed reception; however, his discussion was certainly provocative. Here is a brief excerpt, entitled:

Stand Firm Against Those Who Defile the Honorable Name of Freedom Read more Cheney’s Hoover Memorial Lecture: ‘We Must Stand Firm Against Paranoid Belligerent Autocrats of Pyongyang’ (1/2)


Sneezing is One Tenth of an Orgasm: Islamic State Make War on Moldy Houses

ISIS and dodgy landlords.
One is an evil gang of nefarious gangsters and mafiosi, who give zero fucks about anyone else, and will trample over anyone in their day, doing whatever it takes to expand their evil empire.
The other one is an Islamic terrorist organization! Read more Sneezing is One Tenth of an Orgasm: Islamic State Make War on Moldy Houses


Author of “How to Be A Success” Guides Dies a Dismal Failure

And I’m here to help!

Kilroy Kovacs, prolific publisher of the popular “How to Be a Success” guides, has been found dead in his car outside of Peculiar, Missouri. Cause of death has not been determined.

Kovacs was the author of two dozen “How to Be a Success” books and published in thirteen countries. Sales are estimated at between 5000 and 6000 volumes worldwide, including complimentary and bootleg copies. Read more Author of “How to Be A Success” Guides Dies a Dismal Failure


Man Unable to Apply a Lifetime’s Research into Self-Improvement, Dies Wholly Unsuccessful in Life

Dateline: NEW YORK CITY—A connoisseur of self-help books has died alone and impoverished after having spent years locked in his apartment, practicing to be a better person.

Albert Dunderhead had an impressive collection of self-help manuals, as attested by the landlord who found Albert’s body. “Albert once showed me his library,” said the landlord, “and he boasted he was learning everything there is to know about techniques for increasing your confidence, winning friends and succeeding in business and romance.

“‘One day,’ Albert told me, ‘I’ll have learned enough to put my knowledge into practice, to apply the lessons in real life. And then nothing will stop me. I’ll finally have a job and a family and a life I can be proud of. Until then, I’ve got to keep hitting the books.’”

Albert’s body was found in front of a mirror, his hand on an open book turned to a passage about mastering your fears by reciting mantras in front of a mirror.

Having no friends or family, living on a small inheritance from his grandmother, Albert ventured out of his apartment only to purchase groceries and to peruse the self-help section of bookstores.

Albert’s neighbours sometimes complained about the noise from his apartment, when Albert practiced his lessons by holding conversations with imaginary employers, coworkers, and romantic prospects.

“The conversations went on for hours on end,” said one neighbour, “but it wasn’t the volume that bothered me so much as the annoying repetition. He tried out every conceivable variation on a job interview, for example, playing both parts himself.

“Or he’d imagine he was trying to pick up a girl at a grocery store, and he’d say, ‘I see you’re interested in avocados.’ ‘Why, yes I am,’ he’d say in response. And then he’d launch into a disquisition about the merits of different recipes for guacamole.

“But that wasn’t the end of it—not by a long shot. He’d carry on the same conversation over and over again, but switching from avocados to bananas, and then to spinach and watermelons and every other fruit or vegetable in turn. It was really, really annoying having to hear that blather through the wall throughout the evening and night.”

Albert received a posthumous award for “Most Ironic Life” from the Irony Association of America.

“Ironically,” said the Association’s founder, “our awards have no cash value, nor do we publicize them. Had Mr. Dunderhead been alive, he wouldn’t have been eligible for the award, since his life would have been ongoing. But even if he would have been eligible, he wouldn’t have known he’d won, because no one would have told him. And even if he found out about us and our awards, he may not have cared, because, as I said, our awards have zero prestige. There’s nothing to them, not even a little statue or anything.

“All we do is whisper about the winner for a while, maybe writing up a certificate and then quickly burning it so as not to spoil the irony of the self-effacing honours.”


(Memes) We Have to Do Something to Accommodate the Male Community: What do They Really Want?

Next time you see a man defending rape/warmongering/niqab/pimping/porn/religious extremism of ANY kind, remind him that he belongs to the ‘Male Community,’ and ask him how his safe space is going.
If men start getting referred to via patronizing faux-leftie metropolitan jargon and soundbites, they might learn to shut their traps a little! Read more (Memes) We Have to Do Something to Accommodate the Male Community: What do They Really Want?


Jihadist Anti-Jokes

Sinners of the World Unite!

A Jew, and Christian and an atheist walk into a bar.

How devious are the wiles of Satan, that all kafrs can agree that alcohol is permissible!

Wasting Your Time

A priest, a rabbi and a Buddhist monk are playing golf.

How saddening it is, that the debauched and depraved people of the book cannot understand that the pleasures of this world are fleeting, and the world to come is forever!

Whores Must Perish

Knock knock.

Who’s there?


Fatima? What is your mahram doing, are they not with you?


Remember to bring your mahram with you. I do not consort with unaccompanied, impious specimens of the female community.

Playing Chicken is Mere Idleness

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Truly, the will of Allah is inscrutable. Better not to ask such idle questions concerning the wonders of his creation. Prayer is superior to the idleness of unenlightened curiosity.


Secular & Spiritual… Why the Furore, and False Dilemma?

There is a notion going about that people who are robustly secularist, politically speaking, are automatically anti-religion.

But ‘religion’ means different things to different people.
People can draw spiritual inspiration and strength from religious traditions without believing they are literal fact.
I would like to see more organized collaboration between people who are secular for the outer world and spiritual for the inner life.

We Can Justify Making Saudi Arabia Our Ally for the Same Reasons as Nazi Germany

1. An alliance with Nazi Germany could have provided us with excellent anti-Soviet intel.

2. Economics-wise, Germany was hard to overlook. Plenty of rich carbon resources; in the short to medium term, a significant player in the world economy up to now. Read more We Can Justify Making Saudi Arabia Our Ally for the Same Reasons as Nazi Germany


How Sausages are Really Made: Shocking

Brian K. White, this poor lil city-dwellin’ Seattle Washing ‘un type, has been sayin’ on the Youtube:

Everyone loves sausage, but few of us know how it’s REALLY made.
The answer is not merely shocking, but equal parts disgusting and delicious.

Sausages, now them yokes all git gonna be newwwwwtricious and auspicious!
Before, Bobby Joe done git y’all these there purty lil videos on…
The Youtube!
Videos are them things what makes the entersplainment real funny, and a damn good thing to us all we be doin’ with!
When y’all sittin’ in the shack on your one-man lonesome, ain’t nuffing better than a good wholesome, heartsome, MOCK-YOU-MEANT-AREE to chase away the cobwebs, and make your heart sing up and float to skies like a goddarn goose-varmint. Read more How Sausages are Really Made: Shocking


Vikingophobia Should Not be Tolerated?

Thought experiment:

A gang of radical Neo-Pagans have formed a new religion called ‘Sons of Thor,’ and this religion allows you to carry off virgins via ‘bridal theft,’ and make them your wives; and to loot and pillage churches, synagogues, mosques and gurudwaras.

None of this is done out of hatred or malice; it’s just because Thor devotees have a different way of looking at things.

‘Live and let live,’ one of them gently assures us.

Gay people are to be sacrificed to Loki, not out of any irrational hatred, but purely on some specious ideological pretext.

The red-tops start losing their shit over this, and even some microscopically left-leaning privileged straight white metropolitan bouzhees start getting on edge, and asking how far tolerance can be extended towards the intolerant.

How will postmodernists and SJWs react?

Will they be appalled at the rank misogyny, homophobia and violence of the Sons of Thor?

Or will they immediately start calling out the evil privileged IGNORANT RIGHT WING BIGOTS (of left and right alike!) who are failing to celebrate the diversity of those with whom we all share a common humanity, and whose deaths would no doubt diminish ours, if they were persecuted and oppressed by liberal and conservative authoritarians who want to arrogantly reserve to themselves alone the right to be intolerant of the ‘intolerant?’

Originally published on Medium.


Pirate’s Dinner Adventure (Reviewed)

Pretty awesome dinner theater in Buena Park, California, just down the street from Disneyland. It’s got acrobatics, lovely maidens in distress, and pirates too!

See more adventures at another site of Brian’s:  www.CaliforniaWithKids.com.

By the way, the latter site actually has interviews with the pirates too!

So as well as the video, here are a couple of posts from California with Kids.

Explore the site for more ideas for places to go with your kids.

And keep checking the Youtube channel for updates!

Interview with the pirates from Pirate Dinner Adventure (part 1)

Interview with the pirates from Pirate Dinner Adventure (part 2)

Royalty-free music “One-Eyed Maestro” by Kevin MacLeod — Incompetech.com. Read more Pirate’s Dinner Adventure (Reviewed)


Lonely Single Man Seeks Someone Just to Laugh at his Jokes

Dateline: OMAHA—A lonely Nebraskan man is wistful about the many years he’s spent with no life partner to marvel at his witty remarks.

Douglas Cunningham, aged 53, is single and has lived alone in a small apartment in Omaha for decades. In all that time, he attests to having made countless amusing gibes while watching all manner of TV shows and movies.
Read more Lonely Single Man Seeks Someone Just to Laugh at his Jokes