Category: Health
Kennedy to Achieve Health Care Reform from Grave
Washington — Washington Post Associate Editor Bob Woodward reports that the Obama Administration plans to use the death of Senator Ted Kennedy to fast-track its health care reform measure now languishing in Congress.
Swine Flu Vaccine Banned in Kosher Israel
Jerusalem – Israeli Health officials have announced today that the swine flu vaccine will not be made available to the general public as punishment for the more than 1,700 people who went against Hebrew law by contracting swine flu.
Waterproof Sunscreen Useless Against Crying, Leads to More
When selecting a brand, type and configuration of sunscreen, it’s important to bear in mind your needs, lifestyle and personal habits. For us, it was easy to choose a high SPF rating, opt for the waterproof, and go with a…
Secret Obama Health Strategy Leaked
Washington Post Associate Editor Bob Woodward revealed today that a high-level White House source has provided him with transcripts of Obama War Room strategy sessions.
Teens Having Less Sex (in the missionary position)
According to research conducted nationwide, conventional teen coitus is on the downturn. Not in favor of abstinence, but in favor of more exhausting, athletic and often dangerous positions.
Americans Depressed Over “Fat” Stereotype Seek Solace in Cheesecake
Americans, long iconic heroes to ignorant third-worlders and lesser ethnics alike, have in recent decades been labeled as nothing more than lazy, overweight, couch-faring snobs by counterparts in Europe and Asia alike. This reputation may have exacerbated the problem as,…
Slut 2.0 Introduces Hot-Swappable Ports
On the eve of release, designers and critics alike are praising the much anticipated release of the newest version of Slut. Whether you are a casual user or a diehard Slut enthusiast, the robust build promises a hole new experience…
Ball Cancer; Testing your Testes for Health and Safety
Among the rarest of cancers comes cancer of the testes. Glossy News brings you these helpful tips to keeping your balls healthy.
Viagra Adopts White Rabbit as Jingle – “Feed Your Head”
Pfizer has released their newest series of commercials for the highly popular erectile dysfunction drug, Viagra. During a New York Yankees game last week Pfizer debuted their new commercial. The new advertising campaign abandons their previous approach of “Blue pill…
Head Allegedly Weighs “Like 500 Pounds”
Don’t think I don’t see all you proud people walking around with your gigantic melons held high. It bugs me like a plague of locusts because I’m proud too, but my pigeon-bobby noggin weighs more than the sun and the…