Secret Obama Health Strategy Leaked

Washington Post Associate Editor Bob Woodward revealed today that a high-level White House source has provided him with transcripts of Obama War Room strategy sessions.

“This President wastes no time in identifying a problem and pushing his staff to come up with solutions,” said Woodward. “Here is an excerpt from a recent meeting at the White House on health care reform”:

OBAMA: OK, we pass health care by fall. We deliver the moon until private insurers go belly up. Then/b> we start the rationing and the seniors dying and all that. It’ll be ugly, but, hey, you can’t make an Obamalet without breaking eggs. Now, how do we proceed once there’s no going back? Yes, HHS?

SEBELIUS: Transform hospitals and clinics into death traps through staff cuts and underfunding, sir. Attrit physicians further by making them federal employees and capping their salaries.

OBAMA: Good thinking. Doctors will quit in droves when they realize they’ve become underpaid, overworked government bureaucrats. We’ll replace them with minimum wage, non-English speaking graduates of internet medical schools based in Honduras and Uzbekistan. Bob?

GIBBS: Pit young against old, sir: TV spot: ”Is that pacemaker more important than your grandchild’s flu shot?”

OBAMA: Ooh, Nice. Valerie, get Jack Kevorkian on board as our National Health Care Czar. And I want Michael Moore as the program’s ”Ombudsmean.” Rahm?

EMANUEL: Establish government health care help centers in Pakistan staffed by Dell tech line rejects, Mr. President. You can almost hear it: ”Yes yes, I am trying to help you, sir. You must return the defective kidney before we can send you a new one… I AM the supervisor, sir.”

MICHELLE: You guys better remember, Walter Reed’s strictly for Obamas, with a vet on staff for… Ho, yo—Bo! Don’t you dare pee on that rug! President’s takin’ you outside right now, you hear me, dog?

At the daily press briefing, ABC White House correspondent Jake Tapper tried to ask Obama spokesman Robert Gibbs about Woodward’s report, but Tapper was shouted down by his colleagues and then chased from the room.

Gibbs spent the rest of the press briefing on Mrs. Obama’s wardrobe purchases in Paris.

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