Kennedy to Achieve Health Care Reform from Grave

Washington — Washington Post Associate Editor Bob Woodward reports that the Obama Administration plans to use the death of Senator Ted Kennedy to fast-track its health care reform measure now languishing in Congress.

Woodward announced several months ago that a White House insider is providing him with audio recordings of high-level strategy meetings. Following is the partial transcript of a conversation that Woodward says occurred on Martha’s Vineyard just after the announcement of Senator Kennedy’s death.

OBAMA: Ted’s passing is an opportunity to energize our troops on health care. How do we go about it without looking crass? David?

AXELROD: Seize the moment, sir. Name it the Kennedy Memorial Health Insurance Reform Act. Then immediately reconvene Congress for a vote.

OBAMA: Good. The Blue Dogs won’t dishonor the man’s memory with a “no.” Harry?

REID: The Senate will vote to accept the House bill “as is” an hour after it passes the House, Mr. President.

OBAMA: You’re that sure of 60 votes?

REID: Peer pressure in our caucus gets us 59. We need only 50 votes to change the rules and accept the proxy Ted [chuckle] signed last month. There’s your 60.

OBAMA: How will this play in Peoria? Rahm?

EMANUEL: Sir, say politics as usual is inappropriate now. Ask everyone to cancel public meetings out of respect for Senator Kennedy–a plausible reason to deny Townhallers their forums.

OBAMA: OK. Bob, have the FCC tell the networks to cover all memorial ceremonies with a 10 second tape delay. They’re to pull the plug at the first sign things are getting out of hand they way they did with the Wellstone memorial.

MICHELLE: When this is done, I want “Comparable Worth for First Ladies” on the front burner. You hear me, Barack?

As in the past, Woodward vouches for the accuracy of the transcript and says he will not be intimidated by threats from Attorney General Eric Holder to have Syria question him about his source.

Author: Sagman44

Sagman44 was born in Brooklyn and taught language skills in a New York City alternative school for troubled Utes. When the federal government defunded the program in 1994, the Utes returned to their ancestral homeland outside Salt Lake City, and Sagman44 began a career as a leg shark and loan-breaker for dyslexic mobsters. One legacy of Sagman44’s time in education: his distaste for arrogant teens and the expression, “F--- you.” He spends his spare time roaming the city with a can of spray paint, examining subway walls and tenement halls, adding “th” to the curse wherever he finds it.