Category: Health
Scientists Discover Medical Link to SIDS — Not the Demon Lilith
After two decades of work, doctors and medical researchers in the United States believe they have evidence that abnormally low levels of serotonin — a chemical in the brain that helps control breathing during sleep — plays a pivotal role…
Lohan Donates Private Stash to Doctors Without Borders, Doubles Merck’s Contribution
HOLLYWOOD, CA — Haiti is the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere. It has suffered from a history of political violence that reaches back to the 1950s when “Papa Doc” and “Baby Doc” Duvalier purged the military, installed rural militias…
CDC Warns Vampire Outbreak Imminent
The Center for Disease Control has issued an “urgent” warning about the spread of a dangerous new disease it’s calling “vampirism” or the DRAC1SUC3 virus. According to the press release issued today by the CDC, there has been an “alarming…
Viagra Vision Loss Blamed in Senior Citizen Fire
EXTON, PA – A seventy-two-year-old man set fire to his apartment in the Sunrise Acres retirement facility last night after he had tried to light a candle but ignited the drapes instead. Gerald DeHaven told police he had taken Viagra…
Health Alert: Defective, Dangerous, “Suspiciously Snug” Chinese Condoms Recalled
After reading this story, there will be true dilemmas playing out all over America–in bedrooms, on living room couches, in the back seat of daddy’s sedan or Tiger Woods’ Escalade—do I or don’t I take a chance with that pack…
Conservatives Quickly Devise Cheap Plan to Counter Obamacare
The conservative parties of America have realized that they need to come up with a new health care system or stand in danger of losing the millions they have invested in the dysfunctional system that is being assailed by the…
Miracle Water Diet Courtesy of Texas Spring Water Co.
Thirty-five years ago, you wouldn’t have been able to tell Joe P. Freely that he’d someday get rich selling bottled water, but today, it’s money that’s flowing from Freely’s diet spring water business in Big Spring, Texas. “Your Nation Natural…
Weight Watchers Weigh-in Brings Building to its Knobby Knees
Friday, a near tragedy occurred in the south central town of Vaxjo, Sweden when the participants in a Weight Watchers group were subjected to a structural failure of the building they were using. During a routine weigh-in to determine the…
Prostate Cancer Seen As Major Cause of Prostate Cancer Deaths
A major study conducted at the London Institute for Prostate Cancer has determined that men who are diagnosed with prostate cancer are nearly twenty-five times as likely to die from the disease as men who are prostate-cancer free. This conclusion…
Times Square isn’t Only Ball that Drops Each Year
According to a newly published report in the New England Journal of Medicine, men who drink more than 2-4 servings of alcohol per day—one serving equals 4 oz. wine, 12 oz. beer or ale, or 1 oz. gin, rum or…