Category: Health
Democrats Euthanize Elderly to Make Snack Foods
Macon, GA (GlossyNews) — Intrepid FOX News reporters have uncovered a heinous Left Wing plot to do in America’s older generation. While many were declaring the hard right’s scary threats that the Left was going to let older citizens die…
Republicans to Boycott Health Care – Turn to Self-Medication
WASHINGTON, D.C. (GlossyNews) — In response to the ass-trouncing recently inflicted by the Democrats over the Republicans over the hotly debated health care reform bill, Republicans in all levels of government held a press conferences early today in which they…
Africans Risk Their Lives to Stay Clean
Kampala, Uganda (GlossyNews) — Nothing But Nets, a campaign website driven by the passion of it’s members who donate money to buy mosquito nets for African children, has reported in a finding that in most instances donated nets are cut…
Health Care Bill Passage Assured: Vampires Now On Board
Baltimore, MD (GlossyNews) — Speaking from Baltimore’s famed Holly Oaks Cemetery, last resting place of author Edgar Allen Polk, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi today revealed a strategy so stunning, even seasoned Washington wonks looked up from their pools of vomit…
Cheney’s Heart Conducts Preemptive Attack — Expects to Be Greeted as Liberator
WASHINGTON (GlossyNews) — On February 24, 2010, former U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney was released from the hospital, three days after suffering his fifth heart attack. A spokesman said that the 69-year-old Cheney, known as “Angler” to his friends, will…
Free Penis Enlargement Tips for Glossy News Readers
A number of web forums have been requesting articles about penis enlargement, all man are asking themselves; can your penis shrink for real? As a public service to the readers of this website, for whom we believe there is a…
Sen. Bob Dole Hospitalized: Dozens of Blue Pills Found Bedside
KANSAS CITY, MO (GlossyNews) — Former Sen. Bob Dole was hospitalized briefly this week, but is recovering comfortably at the Walter Reed Army Medical Center. Dole is an attorney and retired United States Senator from Kansas. Today, Dole is more…
Report Shows Americans Healthier Than Ever – 20 Million Give Up Health Insurance
Americans have long enjoyed a position of hard fought superiority over the rest of the world’s citizens. For centuries, Americans have both rocked and kicked ass. Just ask them. The United States is often promoted as a paragon of military…
Pfizer Pharmaceutical Develops More Potent Placebo
Pharmaceutical giant Pfizer Pharmaceutical claims they have developed a more potent placebo that has been proven to work better in controlled experiments than other doctor prescribed placebos. “Our placebo has a foul taste and smell”, said Pfizer representative Peter Gruber….
Science Nears Cure for Pat Robertson
Pat Robertson, the famed televangelist, remains hospitalized with mysterious needle-like pains that grow worse every time he mentions Haiti, earthquake or Voodoo. The medical world continues to be baffled by the odd pathology. Actor Hugh Laurie of the popular “House”…