Free Penis Enlargement Tips for Glossy News Readers

A number of web forums have been requesting articles about penis enlargement, all man are asking themselves; can your penis shrink for real? As a public service to the readers of this website, for whom we believe there is a vast need for such information, checkout here at penis enlargement pills, we at Penile Dream Fulfillment are sending you this list of alternative forms for enhancing one’s assets:

Technique #1 – Have girlfriend sit in car.
– Stand outside of car and have girlfriend hold tip of penis.
– Have her slam car door on it.
– She should then drive down the road at a speed between 20 and 30 mph.
– After about 6 miles you should have an enlarged penis, depending of course upon your running ability and upon how hard she slammed the door.

Technique #2 – Lie on floor.
– Tie a sturdy string tightly to the ceiling fan.
– Tie other end to your manhood.
– Turn fan on low.
– After the pain subsides turn fan to high.
– Stay in this position until penis turns blue.
– Repeat as necessary.

Technique #3 – Go scuba diving naked.
– Attach one of the lead weights from the weight belt to your penis.
– By the end of the dive you will have an enlarged penis, as long as the fish were not too voracious.

Technique #4 – Go skydiving.
– Attach one end of your penis to a thin rope that is fastened to the airplane.
– Jump, but do not pull the ripcord right away. Let the plane drag you through the air until your penis reaches the desired length.
– Cut the rope, then pull the ripcord. (Remember to get the order right or it could turn out badly.)

Technique #5 – Go water skiing.
– Attach the boat’s rope to your masculine pride.
– Enjoy the water skiing as immensely as you can considering the circumstances.
– After a certain point your penis will have reached a satisfactory length or you will have wiped out and caused it to be ripped off.

Technique #6 – In an older-style elevator hold your penis out until the first door closes trapping the penis.
– Go up or down one floor.
– Going more than one floor is not recommended unless you wish to join the circus.
– Repeat as often as necessary.
– This is a fun thing to do when other people are riding the elevator. It amuses them immensely and gives them something to tell their friends about the rest of their lives.

Oh, and by the way, if your new enlarged penis stays erect for more than four hours, please see your doctor as soon as your wife will let you.

Author: rfreed

I was born and I died. Being a disembodied entity makes it very cheap for me to get by. Not having to worry about eating or having a place to live gives me a lot of freedom to squander my time writing occasionally funny articles. See more almost funny stuff at

4 thoughts on “Free Penis Enlargement Tips for Glossy News Readers

  1. Now I finally know where I was going wrong. I thought there was something odd about those $300 boxes of endangered Mauritanian buffalo pills I was buying in good faith…

    I can’t believe some cruel and cunning person would actually spam my inbox and lie to me like that. It’s so dishonest, isn’t it? ;(

    Nothing more to say. Just gutted.

  2. I read this twice so far and got the same response. This is just too damned funny for words. Kudos rfreed. Just wondering how much research you did before writing it.

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