Category: Environment
BP’s Neverending Flow of Ideas on How to Stop the Oil Spill
MOBILE, Alabama (GlossyNews) — In their never ending effort to cap the bottomless Gulf oil leak, those ever creative minds at BP are coming up with endless new possibilities to shut it down. Their highest level officials and engineers have…
Pack of Gray Wolves Hunted Down Like Animals
BUTTE, Montana – The surviving members of a pack of gray wolves have claimed innocence in the ongoing battle between sheep ranchers and environmentalists, after an entire flock of sheep was found dead without any sign of wolves in the…
BP Creates Culinary Division to Sell Turtle Meat
CHALMETTE, Louisiana (GlossyNews) — Add abysmal stock prices to the $20 billion escrow fund and BP’s existing $2.35 billion clean up tab, and you begin to realize how quickly deep pockets grow shallow. The Deep Horizon oil spill in the…
Cuban Refugee Dredged from Oil Slick, Cleaned, Deported
GRAND ISLE, La.-A team of marine biologists recovered 120 specimens from the rapidly spreading oil spill off the coast of Louisiana Wednesday.
The team, comprised of staff and students from several Gulf Coast universities, volunteered to assist clean-up efforts while studying environmental impacts. While cleaning feathers and fur with dish detergent, Anne Fullerton, a student at Southern University in Baton Rouge, discovered what turned out to be a Mexican attempting to enter the U.S. illegally.
Dick Cheney to Form GOP Apology Task Force
WASHINGTON, D.C. (GlossyNews) — Texas Representative Joe Barton’s strange apology to BP CEO Tony Hayward for the government imposed $20 billion escrow account to repay damages caused by the Deep Horizon oil spill continues to spark controversy. The ill-fated gaffe…
Acme Corporation Profits from BP Spill Efforts
Acme Corporation is reporting a huge profit upswing this month. Acme is the chief supplier of underwater doo-dads for BP Corporation, the sponsors of what is now the largest oil spill ever, on wonder why they are the biggest, they…
Obama Inspires Oil Spill to Clean Itself Up
Smelly Corners, LA (GlossyNews) — President Barack Obama’s recent visit to the Gulf Coast was billed as a chance for the Commander in Chief to assess the damage caused by the massive oil spill, but a top White House aid…
Obama Offers Citizenship to Mexicans Who Help Clean Up Oil Spill
Washington D C (GlossyNews) — In a stroke of political genius, President Obama has figured out a way to kill two birds with one oil blob. He has offered full American citizenship to any illegal immigrant who brings a mop,…
Pet Stores Donate Birds to Sop Up BP Oil Spill
New Orleans, LA (GlossyNews) — The announcement that shipments of millions of small household pets would be soon arriving to the gulf region was met with cheers by cleanup crews who had all but exhausted local populations of coastal animals….
Litterbug Fined While BP Oil Disaster Looms
Tippy Toe, LA (GlossyNews) — Amos Moses, an old Cajun who lives by his self in the swamp, hunts alligators for a livin, he just knock ’em in the head with a stomp, was fined 100 clams yesterday for tossing…